The Ghosts Of War
by SEALteamsteve
Summary: Steve suffers severe emotional turmoil when a SEAL brother's arrival in Oahu results in tragedy.
1. Chapter 1

******** WARNING - This story touches on the very sensitive topic of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); I AM NOT an expert on this subject, nor am I a psychologist; I was married to a Navy man who served honorably for six years and I have nothing but respect and admiration for anyone who serves and their families. I will do my best to broach this topic with the sensitivity it deserves. I hope you enjoy and as always, I would love to hear your thoughts ********

******I do not own Five-0 or any of it's characters. No copyright infringement intended.**

************ This chapter contains descriptions of graphic violence ********

Danny sat on the bench outside of the Doctor's office.  
Somehow he knew deep down that he was going to get the same answer today, the same answer he had gotten yesterday, and the day before that...and the day before that...but he was going to come back every day for as long he had to.

The Doctor had told him that it could be days, weeks, or even months before Steve would agree to see him but he wouldn't go away...he simply refused to go away. No matter how many days he had to come, he would be here because Steve needed him...…his partner's life was literally hanging in the balance.

He was emailing back and forth to Chin discussing a case they were working on when Lauren Pritchard approached stating, "Danny, Doctor Winston can see you now"  
"Thank You"  
She waited for him patiently as he sent a quick message to Chin and shut down his computer, then she led him into the office of Army Psychologist Noah Winston.

The Doctor stood and shook hands with the detective, "Hello Danny, how are you today?"  
"Well Doc, that depends on what you have to tell me?"  
"Unfortunately there's no change today. He's still refusing to take the medication and he's not talking, other than to say that he doesn't want to see you or anyone else"  
"Doc, it's been six days now"  
"I know that and I told you that this process could take weeks or even months. He may not be talking to me, but I'm talking to him and he is listening. PTSD is different for everybody Danny. I know this is very difficult for you but he won't talk, or should I say, he CAN'T talk until he's ready"

"What if he's never ready? Has that ever happened?"  
"Of course it has, but there's no reason to think that's going to happen with Steve. He was functioning normally for several years after the mission and the current events just pulled everything he went through to the forefront of his brain. He needs time Danny"

"I feel so helpless…what can I do for him? How can I help him if he won't even see me or talk to me?"  
"All you can do is be there. I'm telling him that you're here every day and that's very important. Just be ready, because he will need you"  
"I'm here Doc and I'll be ready….I can promise you that"

Danny pulled a note from his pocket and handed it to the Doctor, "Could you give this to him for me?"  
The Doctor nodded, "Certainly"  
The men then shook hands and Danny left the office, disappointed and worried, for the sixth straight day.

As he reached his Camero he looked at his watch, two-fifteen….he needed to pick Gracie up at three-thirty. He hadn't told her yet about Steve's condition but he would have to tell her soon. It was Thursday and they were supposed to go to Hawaii State's football game with Steve on Saturday and then Steve had promised to swim with her. How could he explain PTSD to a seven year old?

As he pulled out onto the freeway he dialed Chin.  
"Hey Danny, anything?"  
"No…he's still not talking and he won't see me"  
"Hang in there brah, he'll come around"  
"God I hope so Chin. I'm going to knock off for the day, why don't you guys do the same"  
"Alright, we'll finish up a few things here and see you in the morning"  
"Okay, bye"

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Back at Tripler, Doctor Winston re-entered Steve's room to find the SEAL standing at the window and staring out aimlessly. He never turned to greet the Doctor who said simply, "It's just me Steve. Danny left a note for you. I'll leave it here on your table. Let Lauren know if you need anything and I'll see you tomorrow"

As the door to the room closed behind him Steve continued to stare outside, not moving a muscle.

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Danny drove to a spot overlooking the Ocean where he had gone before when he needed to think. It was a quiet place that he had discovered shortly after arriving on this God-forsaken Island. We had gotten lost driving around and he had been fighting with Rachel. He had stopped here and even as much as he hated the Ocean, this spot had brought him peace.

He sat down upon the top of a stone wall that ran the length of the sandy beach. There were about a dozen people surfing and sunbathing and as a breeze kicked up, a soft spray of Ocean water dampened his face. He closed his eyes and realizing that he was shaking he sucked in a deep breath of Ocean air and tipping his head back he closed his eyes.

_The call that started in all..._

His mind drifted back to ten days ago and the call that started Steve's spiral down the proverbial rabbit hole... he had been standing with Kono at the computer sharing malisadas and orange juice when Steve exited his office.

_I knew something was wrong as soon as I our eyes connected, but nothing could have prepared me for what was to come that day...  
"Steve, what is it?"  
"That was Duke Lukella, they've got a hostage situation and they need us"  
"Since when do we respond to hostage situations?"  
Steve ran a hand over his face and said softly, "The perp is Michael Turner"  
As Steve made his way to the weapons room Kono had asked me, "Who's Michael Turner?"_

_Steve and I had been partners now for about a year and a half, and a few months ago he hadn't been himself. He had become more and more withdrawn as the week progressed and Friday night we were sharing a few beers at a club when he suddenly and surprisingly opened up to me. That night was an anniversary for him, and although it was memorable, it was not a good one..._

_Seven years earlier he had been sent on a SEAL mission with his Commanding Officer, Michael Turner and another SEAL brother, Jeremy Ellias. They had been sent to take out a top Al-Qaida official who was hiding in the Bistoon mountains two hundred miles from Falluja in Iraq. Steve had been the sniper on the mission and when they had their target, Saeed Asgari in sight things turned bad. They had figured there would be fifteen to eighteen hostiles on the scene, but there ended up being almost forty. Both Steve and Jeremy had wanted to abort and delay the mission until they could bring in more support but Michael had over ruled them and insisted that they carry out the mission...which they did._

_They had made their move at dusk as Asgari was moving freely about the camp.  
From his perch 1800 yards away Steve had squeezed off one shot from his M107 sniper rifle and as the sound of the shot echoed off the surrounding mountains, Asgari dropped to the ground as his head exploded._

_Unfortunately though Steve and Jeremy had been correct and before Asgari's body even hit the ground his men were pointing in their direction and racing towards them. The three men battled hard as they made their way down the treacherous mountains as darkness began to fall. They were all wearing their night vision goggled but in the end, that would be their downfall. They were halfway down the mountain when the first shots came at them from the east. One of the first shots struck Michael in the side and he was thrown into Steve knocking them both to the ground. As they fell, Jeremy was also struck and Steve looked up to see him lose his balance and tumble down the mountain. _

_Steve and Michael reacted instinctively and while laying on their bellies they had trained their weapons towards their attackers and fired. This part of the battle ended in only minutes as the two skilled SEALS brought down the eight approaching Al-Qaida members._

_Steve then stood and grabbing Michael he pulled him up and together they made their way down the side of the mountain to their fallen brother. They could hear the Iraqis calling out from both sides and going after Jeremy was jeopardizing their escape, but there was no option...they would not leave their brother behind._

_As they reached Jeremy's side Steve wasted no time. Adrenaline was coursing through his body as he lifted his unconscious friend, throwing him over his shoulder. He then turned to Michael, "Are you good brother?"_

_"Yeah, let's get the hell out of here"_  
_Their plan was to hike seven miles to their pre-ordained rendezvous point with the rest of their team._  
_They had made it almost two miles when it happened..._

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Steve moved over to the bed and sitting down he reached over and took Danny's note from the table.  
Unfolding and reading it, tears welled in his eyes.

It simply read,

'_Steve,_

_You're not alone._

_Love,  
Danno'_

Steve McGarrett folded the note and holding it to his chest he laid onto the bed and burying his face into the pillow he sobbed uncontrollably.

******** SO? I hope you enjoyed the start and I'd LOVE to hear your initial thoughts! ********


	2. Chapter 2

******* WOW! Thank you for all the wonderful initial reviews, this story is just busting out of my head! Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy! *******

************ WARNING - this chapter contains violence and graphic language** ***********

Danny inhaled deeply as he continued reliving the mission Steve had recounted to him.

_They had walked about two miles in the now darkened night. The mission had been specifically planned for tonight to coincide with weather reports predicting high cloud cover and limited moonlight With the use of their night vision googles they were making fairly good progress over the treacherous, rocky terrain. They could still hear the Al-Qaida members close on their tail though, as having grown up in these mountains they knew the region much better than the SEALS ever could. As they were nearing the edge of a rock formation that would lead them to a path providing them easier movement, Jeremy had cried out in pain as he began to regain consciousness._

_Steve stopped dead in his tracks and with Michael's help the men lowered the injured man from Steve's shoulder and down to the jumped to his feet and his eyes scoured the surrounding area as Michael tried to calm Jeremy._

_Michael spoke in a calm but firm voice to his fallen brother, "J, J look at me buddy…..focus now and look at me"_  
_"Mikey? Whhere aare we?"_  
_"We're still in the fucking mountains brother"_  
_"OOOHHH shit…..hhhurrts"_  
_"Sssssshhhhhh….ssshhhhhhh….I know you hurt but me and Smooth Dog will get you out of here"_  
_"Dddid we get 'em all?"_  
_"Not all of them, not yet. I need you to block out the pain J, can you do that?"_  
_"Yeeah…yyeah…..wwhere'ss SSteve?"_  
_Steve turned back to his brothers' and he knelt at Jeremy's side. A quick glance of the man's body showed numerous injuries and a lot of blood. He grabbed Jeremy's bloodied face with both his hands and said, "I'm right here brother, but we've gotta get the hell out of here now so I'm going carry you"_

_"I ccan wwalk"_  
_Steve grinned, "I know you can, but you're leg's busted up so you let me handle this okay?"_  
"_K_..._…I'm ookay"  
Steve added, "This is going to hurt like hell Jeremy and you've got to stay quiet or they'll find us"  
Michael had pulled a bandana from his pocket and twisting it tightly he placed it into Jeremy's mouth saying, "Bite down hard brother"  
Jeremy muttered, "Yyeeah….'k…"  
With no further words, Steve lifted the man from the ground and ignoring his pained moans he turned to Michael and said quietly, "They're gaining on us, how you doing Mike?" _

_"Don't worry about me, let's go"  
They only made it a few feet before gunfire began to erupt from both sides. Michael hollered for Steve to run for the path and he turned and sprayed the area from left to right with machine gun fire as Steve ran while carrying Jeremy, who was now screaming in pain._

_A bullet ripped into the back of Steve's shoulder, but he continued to run.  
Michael was right behind him, screaming as he continued to fire.  
__They were about thirty feet from the rock formation when it all ended…or actually the true nightmare began…_

_With the noise of all the gunfire surrounding them they hadn't heard the vehicle approaching and as the jeep tore around the edge of the rocks, its driver turned on the vehicles headlights applying the high beams which instantly blinding Steve and Michael who were still wearing their night vision goggles. Michael grabbed Steve's shoulder calling out, "Drop down Steve!"_

_Doing as his Commanding Officer instructed Steve dropped to his knees while still holding tightly to his injured brother._  
_Steve called out "Hang on Jeremy, I've got you brother"_  
_The Al-Qaida members where hollering out in Arabic telling Michael and Steve to drop their guns, which they did._  
_They still were blinded from the headlights of the jeep as they heard their captors approach._

_Steve told me how they had forcefully pulled Jeremy from his shoulders, throwing his broken body onto the hard ground and s__till unable to see, he had cried out in anger "LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!" __His outburst had cost him as the butt of a rifle came down across his cheek. He fell up against Michael who grabbed his shoulder, steadying him as he said sternly "Stand down McGarrett!"_  
_  
Steve heard Jeremy cursing as he was pulled to his feet and dragged towards the jeep and m__oments later, the three men were tied together in the back of the vehicle as it sped through the dark night…..._

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Steve laid on the bed for a long time. He was so damn tired…he really hadn't slept much at all since Michael...…oh shit Michael...why? The tears began again and he pulled the pillow over his face. He couldn't sleep, hell he was afraid to sleep.

He had to get out of here. He had promised Danny, but this place wasn't doing him any good.

He pulled himself together and then throwing his things into his duffel bag and placing the note from Danny into his pants pocket, Steve walked from his room and exited the building.

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Danny looked at his watch and noting it was time to pick up Gracie, he walked slowly back to his car.

A short while later as he sat in the Camero outside of Gracie's school his phone rang.  
Looking at the screen he answered, "Doctor Winston, is everything okay?"  
"Danny...Steve's gone"  
"What do you mean he's gone?"  
"Lauren went in to check on him a while ago and his belongings are cleared out and he's gone"  
"Damn it...how could you let this happen?"  
"Danny, he checked in voluntarily and he left voluntarily...we can't force him to stay"  
"Did anyone see him leave?"  
"Yes. One of our Nurses was outside with a resident and she saw him leave about an hour ago. She said he just started walking towards the freeway"

"Doc...I need to know, is he a danger to himself right now?"  
"Yes Danny, I'm afraid he is. With everything that's happened and with him not accepting any treatment or medication, I'm definitely concerned"

"I'll find him. Please let me know if you hear from him"  
"Of course I will. I've studied his file Danny and he's been through a hell of a lot. He's very strong but every man has a breaking point...every man. Danny, I know he's your friend and I know you love each other, but please remember he's not in his right mind and he's a highly trained SEAL...please be careful"

"I will be Doc, thank you"  
Hanging up his phone he dialed Steve's phone and it rolled straight to his voice mail. "Steve...babe where are you? If you didn't want to stay at Tripler, you just had to tell me" His voice cracked as he added, "Please call me partner, I'm worried about you Steve...please call me"

Glancing at his watch he dialed Chin.  
"Hey Danny, I thought you were knocking off for the day?"  
"We've got a problem brother, Steve took off"  
"What do you mean? Did he check out of the facility?"  
"He didn't bother to check out Chin...he just left"  
"Okay...any idea where he went?"  
"No. I'm picking up Gracie now and I need to drop her off at Rachel's, then I'll stop by his place. Can you and Kono drive out to Tripler and try to re-trace his steps. They saw him walk out of the building and head towards the freeway"

"Okay. I assume you've tried his phone?"  
"It rolled straight to voicemail"  
"So, he's got it shut off...and we can't trace it"  
"Yeah..."  
"We'll find him Danny"  
"Keep in touch brother"  
Chin said nervously, "Danny..."  
"I know Chin, I'm worried too but he would never hurt anyone, you know that"  
"I agree, but I'm not so sure he won't harm himself"  
Danny sighed, "He's not in a good place right now and we've got to find him fast"  
"And we will. Take care of Gracie now"  
"I'll call you soon, bye"

Hanging up he grinned as little Gracie was running towards the car.

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Steve entered the dingy motel room and after locking and dead-bolting the door he moved to the bed and opening his bag he pulled out his service revolver, the photo from his room and the bottle of whiskey. He laid the gun onto the bed and taking Danny's note from his pocket, tears fell from his eyes as he read it again, saying softly "I'm sorry Danno...God I'm sorry"

He set the note and his cellphone onto the end table and picking up the bottle and the photo he dropped to the ground. Sitting between the two twin-sized beds he leaned back and rested his head. After several minutes he opened the bottle and as he took long drinks of whiskey he looked at the photo and he sobbed.

******* I hope you're still enjoying and there's LOTS MORE TO COME! I'm leaving to visit my son at his college for the day but I will do my best to get a chapter up on Sunday. THANK YOU for reading and I'd love to hear your thoughts! *******


	3. Chapter 3

******** This chapter makes reference to Steve's SEAL brothers Chris and Jeff from one of my earlier stories, 'Brothers In Arms' – you do not have to read the story to follow this, but I think it's a great story if you want to check it out! ********

**THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS EXTREME AND GRAPHIC VIOLENCE AND DEATH **

Gracie jumped into the car, "Hi Danno!"  
Leaning over to kiss his baby girl he replied, "Hi Monkey, how was your day?"  
"Great! I got a 100% on my math test"  
Holding out his hand to receive a 'high-five', she slapped it as he said, "That's my girl! Hey, we need to talk sweetheart"  
"About what? Is something wrong Danno?"  
"Everything's going to be okay but Uncle Steve is going through a very hard time right now"  
"Is he hurt?"  
"No, he's not hurt and I don't want you to worry because everything will be okay?"  
She looked at him, obviously confused, "What's wrong with him?"  
"A very good friend of his came to Hawaii honey and something very bad happened, and he died"  
Gracie gasped and said, "Oh no"

Seeing the tears well in his his daughter's eyes Danny quickly exited the Camero and racing over to the passenger side he opened the door. As the child held out her arms, Danny pulled her from the car and held her tightly to his chest. He stroked her hair and whispered softly, "It's okay baby, ssshhhhhhhh"

A couple of minutes passed before Gracie raised her head up and asked, "Can we go see Uncle Steve?"  
He wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb and smiling at her he said, "Not right now sweetheart"  
She said softly, "But we're his family Danno and he needs us"  
"You're right Monkey, he does need us, but right now he's very sad. I know it's hard for you to understand but he wants to be alone right now and we have to give him the time he needs, do you understand that?"

She shook her head, "When Mommy told me that we were moving to Hawaii and that I wouldn't see you very much, I wanted to be alone because I was so sad...is that what you mean?"

He smiled and kissed her, "That's EXACTLY what I mean. When did you become so smart, huh?"  
She smiled and asked, "Are you going to see him Daddy?"  
"I need to see him, yes. So I won't be able to take you out for supper tonight"  
"That's okay Daddy, Uncle Steve needs you now"  
"Honey, it's going to be a few days so we're going to have to cancel the football game on Saturday too"  
"That's alright. Will you tell him I love him?"  
"He knows that, but I'll certainly tell him. I love you Monkey"  
She kissed him, "I love you too Danno"

Putting her back into the car, he then drove her home.  
As they entered the house, Gracie ran off calling "Wait Daddy, I'll be right back"  
Danny filled Rachel in on everything that was happening and then he called out, "MONKEY! I'VE GOT TO LEAVE NOW!"

Gracie came racing from the kitchen carrying a piece of paper.  
After hugging her Daddy, she handed him the paper, "Can you give this to Uncle Steve for me?"

Holding the paper in his hand, her parents read her words...

_'I'm sorry your friend died Uncle Steve.  
I hope you feel better.  
I Love you very, very, very verrrryyyy much,  
Gracie'_

Squatting down, Danny opened his arms and she flung her tiny arms around him.  
He kissed her and said, "This is very sweet baby and he's going to love it. I'll call you soon okay?"  
"Okay Danno, bye"

Moments later with the note in his pocket, Danny was racing down the freeway towards Steve's place.

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More details of the SEAL mission that had gone wrong played over in Danny's mind as he accelerated down the freeway.

_The Al-Qaida operatives had taken them back to the camp.  
As four men held automatic weapons on the SEALS, several others led them into a large tent.  
They were placed onto chairs a few feet from each other and they were tied up.  
Steve's vision had returned and their captors had removed their goggles. He turned towards Jeremy as the injured man cried out in pain. His eyes fell on Jeremy's lower leg and in the dim lighting of the tent he saw how horribly it was broken. He had suffered a compound fracture of the tibia and the sharp bone not only had protruded through his shin but it had torn through his blood-stained pant leg. Jeremy's cries escalated as a young Al-Qaida member yanked his broken leg viciously as he tied it to the chair._

_Steve had called out_, "_JEREMY, BLOCK THE PAIN OUT BROTHER, THESE BASTARDS CAN'T HURT YOU. THEY'RE FUCKING COWARDS J, YOU HEAR ME"_

_As the words left his mouth his attention was drawn to laughter near the entrance of the tent and he turned to face it's source. Steve recognized the man as Mohsen Farhad...Saeed Asgari's second in command. _

_Before the SEAL'could say anything else, Farhad spoke in broken English, "Who killed Asgari?"  
Steve did not hesitate as he responded coldly, "I did"  
Michael instantly chimed in, "I did, you son-of-a-bitch"  
The two SEAL's heads turned as their injured brother spit out blood and choked out the words "I did it"_

_Farhad laughed again and in a voice filled with hatred he said, "The American Hero's...well America will see three DEAD American Hero's"_

_Motioning to Jeremy, Farhad's men pulled his chair so that he was sitting directly in front of his two brothers and the events that transpired next would haunt Steve and Michael for the rest of their lives._

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Steve continued to drink as he looked at the picture.  
He had put it together several years ago. September 24th had come and gone and two days later he had realized his mistake. September 24th was the day he lost Chris Milliner and Jeff Parker in a horrible mission in Korea. He still felt guilty about not remembering his brother's on the anniversery of their deaths but he had vowed that would never happen again.

He had bought a frame and putting photos of all of his lost brothers on a background we had written the dates of their deaths under their photos. He would never forget again...never. He had hung this picture over the dresser in his bedroom and he looked at them every morning...he would never, ever forget.

He looked at their faces as he ran his fingers lovingly across each one...Chris, Jeff, Freddy, David, Bobby, Jack, Carlos, Joel, Chad, Andy, Wes and...Jeremy. He loved each and every one of them and he would have died for any of them. Tears streamed down his face and fell onto the glass as he took another drink. Then tipping his head back, he reached back onto the bed and brought the gun down to his side.

**505050505050505050505050505050505050**

Danny pulled into Steve's driveway relieved to see his blue Silverado there.  
Racing into the house, that sense of relief quickly disappeared. His key and badge were lying on the kitchen counter and he called out, "STEVE, BUDDY WHERE ARE YOU?"

He raced up the stairs and ran straight to Steve's empty bedroom. Standing near the bed his eyes scoured the room. He looked on the bed, the nightstand and the dresser and his heart sunk as he did not see Steve's gun...not anywhere. Then as he turned to leave the room he saw the empty spot on the wall above the dresser...the picture was gone. The picture and Steve's gun were gone..."Oh shit Steve, where are you?"

Sitting on the bed he again dialed Steve's cellphone for the twentieth time and again it rolled straight to voice mail.  
He went back downstairs and after checking outside he re-entered the house and called Chin.

"Chin"  
"Hey Danny, have you found him?"  
"No...he's not here...but he was"  
"How do you know that?"  
"His gun is gone"  
The Asian detective sighed, "Damn it"  
"He took the picture of his brother's with him too Chin"  
"This isn't good Danny"  
"I know"  
"We're following up on a few leads Danny. The owner of a gas station a mile from Tripler saw Steve standing outside his business. Steve never went inside the building and the owner said a short while later he looked outside again and Steve was gone and he saw a cab pulling away"

"Are you following up with the cab company?"  
"We're trying, but unfortunately he only saw the cab from the back and he's not sure which cab company it was"  
"There are dozens of cab companies on the Island"  
"Kono's calling them all now Danny, we'll find him"  
"Call me is you find anything brother, I'm on my way"

As Danny pulled back onto the road his mind again went back to the mission...  
_  
Their Al-Qaida captors had stripped Jeremy's shirt off and the extent of his injuries became evident to Steve. The fall down the mountain had caused severe injuries and along with his broken leg, a bullet had ripped through his upper arm. The right side of his chest and abdomen were terribly bruised and he was obviously bleeding internally and the jagged rocks had caused several gashes on his chest, shoulders and arms. There was also a large gash on the side of his head, his eye was swollen shut and his nose was broken._

_As he cried out in pain Steve hollered, "Leave him alone you son-of-a-bitch! I told you I killed Asgari, and our team will kill you all!"  
Farhad screamed out, "YOUR TEAM? YOUR TEAM WILL FIND YOU ALL DEAD!" and with those words he pulled a six-inch dagger from his waistband and slashed deeply across Jeremy's abdomen. The guttural screams from their brother as he was being disemboweled would forever haunt Steve and Michael._

_Steve had told Danny how they had watched Jeremy's stomach and upper intestines topple into his lap from the gaping wound. Farhad then pointed the dagger which was dripping with Jeremy's blood at Steve and speaking with no emotion he said, "You killed Asgari and you will die, but you will watch your brother's suffer and die before you"_

_Jeremy's head had dropped to his chest and his anguished cries cut through Steve's heart.  
Farhad had left the tent and whenever Steve or Michael spoke or averted their eyes from the sight of their brother, an Al-Qaida member would strike them in the head or face. Death did not come quickly for Jeremy and he suffered through excruciating pain for almost an hour before he drew his last breath. His breathing became very labored at the end and Steve had recalled how he had muttered Jeremy's name over and over again as he had watched his chest stop moving. _

_Even with the horrific sight before him, Steve's SEAL training had kicked in and his mind was racing as he tried to figure out how to get Michael and himself out of this alive. He had been unable to loosen his restraints at all and as he looked at Michael and their eyes met he knew Michael had been unable to as well. He figured it would be at least another hour before any help would arrive. The remaining five members of their team were waiting seven miles away. They had missed their last scheduled check-in now and the team would know they were in trouble, but in order to approach discreetly they would have to hike in and that would take at least ninety minutes._

_Steve knew that they were going to have to rely on their inner strength to survive until help arrived._

Danny's mind jolted back to reality as his cellphone rang...

******** I hope you're all still enjoying. There's much more to follow! *********


	4. Chapter 4

********* I am so sorry for the delay in posting. I had an extremely busy week at work and simply had no time at all to write. I hope you all enjoy this chapter **********

****** WARNING! This chapter contains violence and death by suicide ******

Danny glanced at his phone and sighed deeply as the name 'McGarrett' lit up the screen.  
Muttering, "Oh thank God" he answered, "Steve….buddy where are you?"  
There was no immediate answer but he could hear Steve breathing heavily on the other end of the line as he struggled to compose himself.

He asked again, "Steve? Relax partner and tell me where you are"  
Several more seconds passed in silence before Steve said softly, his voice cracking with emotion, "Danno"  
"Yeah babe, I'm here. I need you to talk to me okay?"  
"Danno…..I'm sorry"

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about Steve. Please just tell me where you are…..please let me help you" Danny closed his eyes briefly and sucked air into his lungs as he heard the tortured sobs coming from his partner. He spoke softly as he tried to calm his distraught friend, "Steve….. everything will be alright, please believe me. I'm here for you"

"Danny….I….I need to talk"  
"Okay, good. Actually that's great buddy….where are you?"  
Steve was crying as he continued, "I feel so weak and so foolish Danny…..…..oh my God"

"Steve relax and listen to me…you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, or to feel foolish about and dear God anyone who knows you knows you are anything but weak. Buddy, you're human, that's all" Danny swallowed hard as he tried not to cry, HE needed to stay strong for Steve and he again asked, "Where are you?"

"I'm at the Kelekolio Motel on 6th, room 18"  
"Okay, I'm close Steve I'll be there in about fifteen minutes. Hey you sound like you've been drinking?"  
"Yeah, I've got a bottle of Johnnie Walker"  
"Oh yeah? You make sure you save some for me alright?"  
"Yeah….will do"  
Danny was terrified for his friend as he was obviously drunk and he knew that Steve, like most people, became much more emotional when he drank.

He had to keep him talking, "Hey buddy I just saw Gracie and she sends you her love"  
Steve's voice cracked as he said softly, "God I love that little girl so much"  
"Well I can promise you she feels the same about you and she can't wait to see you"  
"God Danny...oh God I hurt..."  
Tears slid down Danny's cheeks. He loved this hard-nosed, crazy-ass SEAL and his heart was breaking for him. "Buddy, I know you're hurting and I'm almost there"

"You don't understand Danny...I can't do this anymore...I'm so fucking tired"  
Danny's heart was racing in his chest. He heard the pain in his partner's voice and it terrified him.  
Steve added softly, "Twelve Danny"  
Danny knew exactly what Steve meant. He had seen that picture in Steve's bedroom several times. Twelve brothers killed, twelve men that Steve had loved and lost.

Danny pulled into the parking lot of the Motel and parked in front of room 18.  
Still on the phone he raced to the door and finding it locked he asked, "Steve…..I'm here partner. I need you to unlock the door"  
"Gimme a minute Danno"  
"Okay…everything's going to be alright buddy, I promise you"  
"How can you promise that 'D?"  
"Steve… open the door so we can talk okay?"  
The phone disconnected and seconds later Danny heard the deadbolt being turned and Steve opened the door.

**50505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

Steve looked like hell. He hadn't shaved in a week and he looked like he hadn't slept in a week either as dark rings were under his red, puffy eyes. He said quietly, "Thanks for coming Danno"

Danny nodded as he entered the room, closing the door behind him.  
Steve walked to the far bed and sat down.  
Danny moved over to the dresser in the corner of the room and after turning on a small lamp, he moved towards Steve. He saw his note folded up on the nearby end table next to Steve's phone. As his eyes moved to the ground his blood turned cold as next to the half-empty bottle of whiskey lay Steve's service revolver. He leaned over and picked up the items from the floor and moving back to the dresser, he set them onto it and then he sat on the bed across from Steve.

Danny didn't speak. He knew that Steve would talk...he had said he needed to, and he would.

A few minutes passed in silence as Steve sat with his head down.  
Eventually the SEAL said softly, "I'm losing my mind Danny"  
"No you've just been through a lot and you need time"  
"I need sleep...but I can't"  
"You look exhausted buddy. When's the last time you slept?"  
"Since Michael..."  
Danny shook his head, "Christ Steve, that was ten days ago. The Doc never told me you were having trouble sleeping"  
"I never told him"  
"From what he's said Steve, you haven't told him much at all"  
"I haven't really felt much like talking Danny"  
"I'm here for you"  
"Thank you..."

Steve laid back on the bed and placing his forearm across his eyes he said emotionally, "It wasn't Michael's fault Danno...I tried for years to convince him of that. God Danno, I failed him"

"Steve, what happened to Michael isn't your fault either. You didn't fail him"  
Through his tears Steve said softly, "He couldn't battle the demons anymore Danny...these fucking demons"

**50505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

_Ten days earlier the 5-0 team had responded to Duke's call to find Michael inside Honolulu National Bank.  
As they exited the Camero Duke met them, "Steve, this guy says he'll only talk to you. Who is he?"  
Steve replied calmly, "He's my brother Duke"  
Duke asked, "What are you talking about?"  
"We served together Duke. How many people is he holding?"  
"He's let everyone go except two female tellers"  
"He won't hurt them Duke"  
Steve then started to move towards the bank and Danny called out, "Steve STOP! What are you doing?"  
"I'm going to go get those women AND Michael out of there Danny"  
"Slow down Steven...when did you talk to him last?"  
"Um, about two months ago...Danny he seemed fine. Things were going well with his wife and his job was going well"_

_Duke then said, "Steve, we ran a background on Turner"_  
_As he hesitated Steve asked, "Okay Duke...what aren't you telling me?"_  
_"His wife disappeared last week and he's the primary suspect in her disappearance"_  
_The surprise on Steve's face was evident as he said, "What?"_  
_Danny grabbed his arm, "Steve, you can't go in there"_  
_"What are you talking about Danny? I have to go in there...he's not going to hurt me"_  
_"You can't be certain of that Steve"_  
_"Danny, Mike loves Wendy...he wouldn't hurt her...I know him"_  
_Danny nodded, "Okay, but I'm going in with you"_

_The men walked side by side to the door of the bank and as the door cracked open, they entered._  
_Once they were inside, Michael turned to the women and said, "Go...go now"_  
_As they left the bank Michael instructed Steve to lock the door behind them._

_As Steve turned to face his friend he holstered his weapon and following suit, Danny did the same.  
Steve then said, "Put down the gun Mikey, it's going to be okay"  
"No brother, it's over..."  
Steve held out his hand, "Hey Mike, relax now...let's talk okay"  
Michael glanced over at Danny, "This must be Danno?"  
Steve replied, "Yeah, it's Danno. Mikey why didn't you call me when you got to town? What in the hell are you doing here?"_

_"I fucked up Smooth Dog...oh shit I fucked up"_  
_"Let me help you brother. I love you man...let me help you"_  
_Michael laughed nervously, "It's too late for that Steve...no one can help me anymore...not even you"_  
_"Talk to me buddy"_  
_He paused for a few seconds before saying, "I killed her Steve...I lost it and I killed her"_  
_"Wendy? Are you talking about Wendy?"_  
_"She was cheating on me Steve. I came home from work early and caught them together. I left the house and went to a hotel. A couple of nights later she called me and asked me to stop by the house. I went there hoping that we could work things out, hoping that she still loved me, but she asked me for a divorce...she wouldn't even discuss it Steve. We were married for nine years and she wouldn't even consider trying to work things out"_

_Steve sighed and then asked, "So what happened Michael?"_  
_"I don't know ...I remember hitting her and then I blacked out"_  
_"You blacked out? I thought you stopped having blackouts?"_  
_"I hadn't had one in over two years, but I remember hitting her...and seeing her fall up against the fireplace. The next thing I remember is waking up on our couch and she was gone"_

"_She was gone? So why do you think she's dead?"  
"There was blood on the floor next to the fireplace and I panicked and left. Two days later the cops showed up at my work and told me she was missing. She hadn't shown up to work for two days and her co-workers were concerned so they went to the house. They saw the blood and called the police"_

"_Did they arrest you?"  
"They questioned me"  
"Did you tell them you had fought with her and struck her?"  
"No...I told them we had separated and after they verified that I had been staying at the hotel they released me"  
"So they're investigating. I assume they told you not to leave the State?"  
"Yes, but I needed to see you"_

_Steve took a step towards his friend and Danny grabbed his arm to stop him as Michael raised the gun to his head. Michael took a step back and hollered, "STOP STEVE! __I needed to see you brother...what happened to us in Iraq, and Jeremy's death are my fault"  
_  
_"You know that's not true Mike"_  
_"I love you Steve and you have always stood by me and supported me but I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry"_  
_"Michael please...please don't do this. Let me help you. Let me find out what happened to Wendy"_  
_"I loved her Steve...God I loved her"_

_Before anything else could be said, Michael pulled the trigger and as the bullet entered the side of his head Steve lunged towards him catching him as he fell to the ground._  
_"MICHAEL NO! OH GOD NO!"_  
_Danny ran to the door and after hollering for Duke to call for an ambulance he raced back to his partner's side._  
_Steve was cradling his dying friend in his lap while encouraging him to hold on, "Come on Mikey, you hold on brother..."_  
_Michael's eyes were opened wide and he said haltingly, "Soorryy...Ssstteve...ccan't"_  
_Through his tears Steve said softly, "I love you Mike"_  
_A weak smile crossed Michael Turner's lips as he drew his last breath._

****** More to follow and I PROMISE you the updates will be much quicker ! Thanks for reading and I'd love to hear your thoughts ******


	5. Chapter 5

******* THANK YOU for all the great reviews - I appreciate each and every one of them! *******

Danny sat on the bed watching Steve...Michael was not the only one battling demons.

He remembered Steve telling him about the mission in Iraq and how it had ended.  
It had taken the remaining members of the SEAL team, along with a squadron of Marines almost two hours to reach the camp on foot and what they found sickened them all.

They had stormed the camp and the ensuing gun battle was over in a matter of minutes.  
It was a bloodbath leaving twenty-seven Al-Qaida members dead, including Mohsen Farhad.  
Thankfully when the attack began, the men who were guarding the SEALS had exited the tent to join the battle.  
When it was over and the rescue team entered the tent they moved with amazing skill and expertise in tending to the injured men.

As the SEALS were tended to, the surviving three Al-Qaida members were taken into custody by the Marines.  
Two Marines also lost their lives in the raid and four others were injured, one seriously. The rescue team immediately contacted their members who had remained at the rendezvous point requesting that they fly in to evacuate the injured Americans.

Steve and Michael had endured horrific torture over the two hours and both were near death.  
Their captors had poured gasoline into their bullet wounds causing excruciating pain and resulting in severe infections in both men. In addition they had been beaten and cut so severely that they would both need over a hundred stitches to close gashes to their chests, arms and legs. They were bruised and bloodied...but they were alive. Thank God, they were alive.

Along with the bullet wound to his shoulder Steve had suffered a fractured skull and broken cheekbone. His arm was broken in two places and four ribs were broken.

But as badly as Steve was hurt, Michael was even worse off. Steve would be able to recover physically and he would return to his team, to his brothers...but Michael was not as fortunate.

The bullet to his side had passed through his body without hitting any vital organs but they had beaten him mercilessly. While tied to the chair, Michael had been struck numerous times across his chest, abdomen and legs with a steel rod. Steve had told Danny how in his nightmares he could still hear Michael's bones breaking as blow after blow reigned down upon him. Both of Michael's legs had been crushed and he would need six operations in the weeks after the beating. Rods and pins were implanted to stabilize the bones but he would walk with a severe limp for the remainder of his life and his treasured military career was over. He also suffered six broken ribs, one of which punctured his lung.

Farhad was in the process of doing exactly what he said he was going to do. He had killed Jeremy and now he was slowly killing Micheal. Steve had killed Asgari and he too would die, but not before he saw his brothers suffer and die because of his actions. This fact tortured Steve McGarrett and now seven years later, seven years after Farhad had died in a hail of bullets outside that tent of torture, the terrorist had finally succeeded in killing Michael Turner.

Steve had told Danny how scared he had been as the Chinook helicopter had raced through the night skies towards Camp Baharia. They had been in the air for only a few minutes when Michael had flat-lined. As the medics frantically worked on him Steve had turned his head towards his brother and reaching out he had grabbed Michael's hand as it hung lifelessly off the edge of the stretcher. It took almost three minutes for the men to revive Michael and they worked with amazing skill to re-inflate his lung and keep him alive until they reached the base and medical help.

Both men re-habbed together and spent many hours meeting with Navy Psychologists.  
Ten weeks after the mission, Steve returned to duty. He had kept in touch as much as he possibly could with Michael and their brotherly love and devotion was truly stronger than ever as they now shared this tragic bond.

Over the years the men would talk at least every couple of months and they saw each other several times a year.  
Michael had been married to Wendy for two years at the time of the mission and for the first couple years of his recovery, their marriage did suffer. But she stood by him and from everything Steve had seen and heard over the years they appeared to be happy. And now this...she had been cheating on him and now she was missing, and probably dead by Michael's hands...

Danny's eyes never left his partner as he knew that Steve was also battling these horrible demons.

**505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

After several minutes of silence Steve spoke quietly, "I tried Danny...I really thought he was doing better. He seemed happy"

"And it sounds like he was Steve, but Wendy wasn't" Danny sighed, "Buddy I can tell you that love is blind...I never suspected that Rachel was unhappy...not until the day she told me she wanted a divorce"

Still laying with his arm across his eyes Steve said, "You didn't sense anything?"  
"Not at the time, no...I didn't. Of course as I look back now, I can see signs that she was unhappy, but at the time...no I didn't see it. I didn't see it Steve, because I didn't want to see it and neither did Michael"

Danny saw the tears sliding down his partners cheeks and onto the bed as Steve said softly, "Oh God Danny, this is my fault"  
"How do you figure that Steve? There was no fucking way you could have known about this. You said it yourself, he seemed happy"

"I should have refused to kill Argasi Danny...if I hadn't killed him, none of this would have happened"  
"Steve, you were following orders. It was Michael's call out there and you did what you had to do"  
"I knew that killing him then would result in a gun battle...God we should have waited for back-up"  
"Michael knew that too, and HE made that call. You were following orders"  
"But I could have stopped it Danny...I could have refused to shoot, and I SHOULD have refused"  
"And what then Steve? You refuse and Michael shoots Argasi himself..."  
Steve sat up and wiping his eyes he said emotionally, "Michael and Jeremy weren't snipers Danny, they could never have made that shot. Michael was my Commanding Officer on that mission, but I had the final say Danny...and I took that shot...I'm responsible...I'm responsible for Jeremy's death and I'm responsible for everything that happened to Mike...this is all my fault"

Before Danny could reply his phone rang and glancing at it he said, "Hang on buddy, it's Chin" Bringing the phone to his ear he said, "Hey Chin...I'm with Steve"  
As Danny spoke, Steve stood and staggering slightly from his high alcohal intake he made his way to the nearby bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Danny spoke in hushed tones, "Chin...I've got him"  
"Thank God. Where are you?"  
"He's checked into the Kelekolio Motel"  
"Do you want us to head over there?"  
"No...he's finally talking brother, but he's also drinking"  
Chin sighed, "Okay, what do you want me to do?"  
"Nothing right now. This could take some time Chin. He's very upset but he's also very exhausted. He hasn't slept much all week" Hearing the toilet flush, Danny added "I'll call you soon"

Chin replied, "Okay brah...take care of him"  
"I will" Hanging up the phone Danny ran a hand across his face and his mind raced, _'Oh God, please help me say the right things...please, please God help Steve'_

Danny stood from the bed and paced nervously across the floor. As he waited he grabbed the bottle of Johnnie Walker Whiskey and he couldn't help but notice how shaky his hand was as he brought the bottle to his lips. He took a couple of drinks attempting to calm his nerves and then placing the bottle back onto the dresser he moved to the closed bathroom door.

Rapping on the door softly he called out "Steve...you okay?"  
Getting no immediate response he placed his ear against the door and hearing his partners sobs he opened the door. Tears welled in his eyes as he looked down at his best friend. Steve was sitting on the hard-tiled floor. His back was up against the bathtub and his knees were pulled up to his chest. His head was bowed and his hands were clasped tightly behind his head. He was shaking uncontrollably as tortured sobs wracked his body. Steve McGarrett was a broken man.

Moving into the room, Danny dropped to his knees and as he placed a comforting hand onto Steve's arm the SEAL fell sideways into his arms. No words were spoken as Danny simply held his friend as he cried for Michael, Jeremy and all of his lost brothers.

******** Much more to follow – I know this is as emotional to read as it is to write. Due to the topic of the story it's hard to say that I hope you're '_enjoying' _it, so I guess I'll ask and hope that you're still being moved by it. Thank you for reading and as always, your reviews give great motivation to continue! *********


	6. Chapter 6

**'Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it'**

They sat on that bathroom floor for a long time, neither man saying anything.  
Steve eventually calmed down and as he separated from Danny's grasp he said "Shit Danno... I'm..."  
Danny raised his hand and interrupted him, "Don't say it Steve...if the word 'sorry' leaves your lips I swear to God I'll smack you buddy"

Steve grinned weakly, "I'm so damn tired Danny"  
"Do you think you can sleep?"  
"It's not that I can't sleep, it's..."  
"The nightmares?"  
"Yeah...Danny I'm...I'm afraid to close my eyes. Every time I do I'm back in that fucking tent" His voice trembled as he took a deep breath and continued, "I keep seeing Jeremy's eyes, pleading with me to save him as his stomach and intestines were spilling out onto his lap. God Danny he was in so much pain and Mikey and I couldn't do a damn thing to help him" Steve ran a hand across his face and his voice shook with raw emotion, "We kept telling him to take himself inward"

Danny asked, "What do you mean?"  
"We're trained to endure torture Danny...to tolerate the pain...to block it out. But this... oh shit Danny what those fucking animals did to him" Tears were flowing down the SEALS face, "They tortured him because I killed Asgari"

Danny shook his head, "No, no Steven...Jeremy was tortured...you ALL were tortured because of a mission your SEAL TEAM undertook...not just you buddy, you weren't alone. You, more than anybody knows that! Let me ask you something partner..."

Steve had tipped his head back and his eyes were closed as he said softly, "Sure..."  
"Tell me about Saeed Asgari"  
"He was a brutal son-of-a-bitch Danny. He was a major distributor of the IED bombs in the region. Those weapons have been responsible for almost 70% of American casualties in this damn war. We had been searching for him for months and we finally discovered his camp"

Danny shook his head, "So it's fair to say that his actions had resulted in quite a few American deaths?"  
Steve replied, "Hundreds..."  
"Okay Steve, so you went in and you did what had to be done, and I bet you were willing to die to stop him weren't you?"

Steve nodded, "Of course I was"  
Danny reached over and grabbed Steve's arm, "And so were Jeremy and Michael. They knew the risks just like you did and they went into it with their eyes wide open. Buddy you can't do this to yourself. I know you loved those guys and they loved you too, but you're not responsible for their deaths... none of them. You would have given your life to save each and every one of your lost brothers, and you know what babe, they would have done the same thing for you" Tears were freely flowing down the faces of both men as Danny continued, "Think about those guys Steve. Do you think that any one of them would want you to do this to yourself?"

Steve brought his hand to his face and he said shakily, "Danny please..."  
"Okay...okay" Danny stopped, he didn't want to push Steve. He had been his partner for almost two years now and he had never known a stronger man either physically or mentally and seeing him hurting like this terrified him. He couldn't push him now, but at least he was talking...

After a few moments Steve repeated, "I'm so damn tired Danno"  
"You need to sleep" He saw the tension on the SEAL'S face and he repeated the words he had written to his partner earlier, "Steve, I'm here. You're not alone"

Standing up he extended his hand and helping Steve to his feet the men embraced.  
"Thank you Danny"  
"You're welcome"

**5050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

An hour later Danny was relieved to hear soft snoring coming from the bed next to him.  
He had been staring aimlessly at the television as he relived his conversation with Steve in his mind. He hoped he hadn't said too much too soon. Steve was hurting horribly and he wasn't a psychologist. At least Steve was talking now...thank God he was talking.

Ten days ago...God he would never forget Steve's cries of anguish as he had held Michael in his arms. He had cradled his dear friend, oblivious to the blood and brain matter that oozed through his fingers as he pushed on the wound trying frantically to will Micheal to breath...to just breath. Danny had stood by helplessly and once the ambulance arrived he had knelt behind Steve, and talking to him quietly he had convinced him to release his tight grasp on Micheal and the EMT's had gently transferred him onto a stretcher.

Steve was clearly in shock and Danny hadn't left his side. hey had left the scene and gone back to Steve's house. He hadn't talked for the rest of the day. He had refused to eat at he and he sat for hours in his wooden chair staring out at the Ocean.

Looking back now Danny knew he should have realized something was wrong, but again...he wasn't a psychologist. Steve had woke the next morning and he seemed good, he actually seemed too good. He had insisted on going into the office and when Danny had asked about Michael, he had refused to talk about him. Other than that though, he seemed to be handling things well...until the shootout.

Three days after Michael's death the team had gone to the home of a known drug dealer to bring him in for questioning on a rape case. As Chin and Kono moved around to the back of the house, Steve and Danny approached the front door. With their guns drawn, Steve kicked in the door and the two men stormed into the home.

Gunfire rang out instantly as the three occupants of the home opened fire on them from the living room. The narrow entryway to the home led into the living room. There were two, six foot long, four foot high dividers with a three foot space between them separating the entryway from the living room. Danny pushed Steve forward knocking him to the ground behind the protection of one of the dividers as he took cover behind the other. Danny returned fire as Chin and Kono did the same from the adjoining kitchen.

As two of the men were felled by 5-0 bullets, the third man who had taken cover behind a tattered couch cried out "STOP FIRING! I SURRENDER!"  
As Chin called out for him to drop his weapon and he and Kono moved in to secure the scene, Danny had turned to Steve. He was crouched down and his head was bowed. Danny was at his side in seconds and after holstering his gun he placed a hand on his partners shoulder, "Steve, Steve are you hit? Are you alright?"

Steve was shaking, sobbing, and muttering over and over again, "I'm sorry Mikey, I'm so sorry"  
"Steve, Steve...look at me partner. Are you hit?"  
"I'm sorry...oh God I'm sorry Mike"  
Danny looked up as Kono drew near asking, "Is he okay Danny?"  
She saw the look of fear in Danny's eyes as he said, "I don't know"  
She gasped as she watched Steve rock back and forth on his heels sobbing, "Oh God Mikey I'm sorry"

Danny reached down and taking Steve's gun from his hand he handed it to Kono. He then knelt down and placing both of his hands on Steve's shoulders he said soothingly, "Steve, it's Danny. I need you to sit back so I can check you out" As Danny pushed him gently, Steve sat back against the divider and Danny checked him over. Seeing no injuries he said, "Okay partner you're not hit, can you talk to me?"

The vacant stare in Steve's eyes terrified Danny and placing his hands on Steve's face he said, "Hey, look at me"  
"Danno?"  
Danny smiled, "Yeah, it's me"  
"Is everyone okay?"  
"Yeah buddy, we're all fine. What the hell happened? Are you alright?"  
Steve wiped his eyes and said quietly, "I don't know Danno...oh shit, I don't know"  
Danny then said, "Let me take you to the hospital so they can check you out okay?"  
Steve pushed at Danny, "No...no hospital Danny...I'm fine"  
"NO YOU'RE NOT FINE STEVEN..." Danny sighed and placing a hand on his partners chest he said softly, "Please Steve, don't argue with me on this"

After several moments of silence Steve's voice shook as he said, "Take me to Tripler"

Those events seemed so long ago and now Danny sat on the edge of the bed watching his sleeping partner. He hoped that Steve would be able to sleep through the night, but he would be close by just in case the demons crashed through. Steve had told him about the nightmares he would have, yet he had never witnessed one. He was here now, and if the nightmares came, he would be ready.

**5050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

It was a little after four in the morning when Danny woke to the tortured screams of his partner.  
"NO, NO LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH! NO, OH GOD JEREMY, NO!"  
Danny was at Steve's side in seconds. The SEAL had kicked his covers off as he flailed on the bed. His knees were pulled up and he was slamming his balled up fists up and down onto the bed.

As Danny touched the sleeping man, he exploded off the bed grabbing Danny around the throat.  
The crazed SEAL was screaming "DON'T TOUCH HIM YOU BASTARD!" as they toppled off the bed.

******** More to follow and as always, I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts! *********


	7. Chapter 7

Thankfully as the men fell to the floor Danny landed on top of Steve and the SEAL's head hit the side of the adjacent bed-frame with a thud. The impact caused him to release his grip on Danny's throat and as both men gasped for air, Danny threw himself back against the bed.

Steve opened his eyes to see his Danny holding his throat, desperately sucking air into his lungs.  
"DANNY, oh my God...what did I do?" Pushing himself to his knees he grabbed Danny's wrist, "Danny..."  
Danny pulled his hands away from his throat as he choked out the words, "I'mm oo...okay, 'm okay"  
Steve sat back heavily against the other bed and facing Danny he said emotionally , "I'm sorry 'D"  
Balling up his fist and shaking it at Steve he said "I told you I'd smack you...you don' have anything to be sorry for Steve"

Steve grinned weakly and ran a hand through his sweat-drenched hair, mumbling softly, "Oh shit..."  
Danny had left the light on in the bathroom and in the dim lighting he could see how the nightmare had physically affected his partner. He was in his boxers and his body glistened with sweat as his chest moved rapidly in and out.

Danny spoke softly, "Hey, it's over partner...relax"  
"It's never going to be over Danny...it can't be. I can never let myself forget them"  
"And you won't..."  
"Danny...Danny what you said to me was right" Tears fell from his eyes as he spoke, "Each one of my brothers were heroes and they knew and accepted the risks of the missions... but God...I miss them so much"

Danny leaned forward and said softly, "I know you do and I'm so sorry you're going through this"  
Steve sighed deeply and then said quietly, "I need help Danny"  
"Okay...good. That's good buddy. Do you want me to take you back to Tripler?"  
"Not yet...I need to do something first and I need your help"  
"Of course, anything you need buddy"  
"I don't believe Michael hurt Wendy and I need to clear his name...then I'll get help. Doctor Winston want's me to enter a program and I will, but I won't go in-patient"

"Alright. You'll need to talk to Governor Denning"  
Steve nodded, "I know. I'll need you to run the task force for me and I'll ask Denning to put you in charge"  
"As long as it's only temporary Steven"  
Steve grinned, "That's my plan partner"  
"You're going to be alright Steve. You're not alone in this. I'm here and I love you"  
"I love you too Danny" Motioning to the end table he added, "That note you gave me...thank you"  
Danny responded quietly, "Steve, you're the best friend I've ever had and I'm honored to be your partner. I agree that your brothers are all heroes, and so are you"

Shaking his head Steve said, "I'm no hero Danny...I almost got you killed"  
"What are you talking about?"  
"The raid on the morning I ended up at Tripler...I froze Danny..." His voice shook as he added, I've never froze before"

"Hey, listen to me. What happened, happened and it's over. We're all okay and we took the guys out out, together. Steve, you've been through so much shit and you keep everything bottled up inside... brother, whether you want to admit it or not, you're human. All that matters now is that you get the help you need, and that you don't EVER forget that you're loved. In fact, Gracie wrote you a letter"

Steve smiled, "That's with the Williams' and letters?"  
Danny grinned, "So do you want to see it or not smart ass?"  
"Of course I do"  
Danny stood and reaching down a hand he pulled Steve to his feet.  
Steve sat on the bed and Danny moved over to the chair near the dresser. Taking the note from his pants pocket he then turned on the light and then moved back to his partner. Steve's eyes were closed and he was rubbing his temple with his fingers.

Sitting on the other bed Danny asked, "You alright?"  
"Just a little headache partner"  
"You took a pretty good blow"  
"It's not that Danno, it's the whiskey"  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah, I'm sure. And I'm sure in the hell glad I hit my head buddy..."  
Danny chuckled, "You and me both babe. What do you say we don't talk about that huh?"  
"Danny...when I get like that...it's so real man"  
"And you're going to get help, so everything will be alright"  
"Promise me something"  
"What?"  
"If you're ever with me again when this happens, you do whatever, WHATEVER you have to do to stop me"  
"Steve..."  
Steve interrupted him as his voice raised "DANNO YOU LISTEN TO ME! You promise me that you will do whatever you have to do to stop me. I'm trained in close quarter combat and I'm telling you, if I hadn't of hit my head...I might have killed you Danny..." Tears welled in his eyes and his lips quivered as he continued, "I could never live with myself if I hurt you. And Gracie...my God Danny...I could never tell her..."

"Steve, I'm fine okay...and I promise, I promise"  
Danny handed the note to his friend and tears streaked down his cheeks as he read the precious child's words.

_'I'm sorry your friend died Uncle Steve.  
I hope you feel better.  
I Love you very, very, very verrrryyyy much,  
Gracie'_

Danny grinned, "She loves you very, very, very, verrrryyy much" As Steve wiped his eyes Danny asked, "Are you okay babe?"

Steve smiled, "I'm going to be fine now Danno...thank you"

**5050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

The men checked out of the Motel and headed back to Steve's place.  
While Steve went upstairs to shower and shave, Danny went into the kitchen to fix breakfast.  
A short time later as they sipped hot coffee and ate cheese and veggie omelets Danny stated, "I called Chin and he and Kono will meet us at the office at ten. How do you want to handle things?"

"I'll go see Denning and then meet you at Headquarters"  
"I'll go with you"  
"I'm okay Danny. I can be alone for a couple of hours"  
"I know you can be, just humor me please..."  
Steve smiled and responded, "Okay, Doctor Danno"  
"That's more like it partner. Are you ready to go?"  
Steve shook his head, "Yup...let's do this"

Danny waited in the car while Steve met with Governor Denning.  
Gracie was now in school so Danny called Rachel and then Doctor Winston to fill them in on everything.  
Then as he waited he tipped his head back and closed his eyes. It had been a very long couple of days and he was exhausted, but he was also so relieved. Steve was doing well now...he wasn't back to normal yet but at least he was talking. He smiled at the thought of Steve being 'normal'. This guy was anything BUT normal. He was truly 'Superman' and that's what made events like this so scary. When he crashed, he crashed hard and with all the evil Steve had seen, all the losses he had suffered it was truly amazing that he was able to lead even a somewhat normal existence. Men and women like Steve were rare, and this Country owed an amazing debt of gratitude to them.

Steve came back to the car within the hour and jumped into the passenger seat.  
"How'd it go?"  
Steve nodded, "Good...he was very understanding and he's glad that I'm getting help"  
"Good, I'm glad to hear that"

A short time later the men walked into their 'home' at 5-0 Headquarters.  
Kono and Chin welcomed them warmly, embracing Steve.  
Kono asked, "You look good boss. We've missed you"  
Steve grinned, "It's good to be back. But for the time being, Danny here is in charge of 5-0" He sighed briefly and then added, "After we clear Michael's name, I'm going to get some help"

Kono stepped up and embracing Steve again, she kissed his cheek "I'm glad Steve, we love you and we worry about you"  
Chin added, "We're all here for you brah"  
Steve said softly, Thank you both, I love you too"

Chin then spoke, "We've started researching Wendy Turner's disappearance and it doesn't look good Steve. The fact that he remembered hitting her and seeing her blood, yet he left the scene"

"I know it looks bad, but I know Michael guys and he would never hurt Wendy...he loved her"  
Danny shook his head, "Steve, we all believe that, and we'll help you with this but you have to keep an open mind here. Michael admitted to hitting her and seeing her fall against the fireplace"

Steve said, "Yes, he did...and he saw blood but..."  
Danny then inquired, "Steve he said he'd had blackouts in the past. What if he killed her accidentally …... we know he hit her and her head hit the fireplace. What if he blacked out and disposed of the body?"

Steve sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "He loved her...he wouldn't kill her"  
Danny nodded, " Okay, fair enough Steve. How do you want to handle this?"

"Chin, you call local law enforcement in San Diego and see what leads they've come up with on the disappearance. Kono, Mike was working with a security firm. Can you check with his employer for me? See if they noticed any changes in him over the past few months"

Kono replied, "Sure"  
Danny then followed Steve into his office.  
As Steve fired up his computer he spoke, "I'm going to call Mike's parents and brothers"  
Danny sat across from him, "Okay, let's do it"

****** More to follow – I hope you're still enjoying and all the reviews are greatly appreciated ! ******


	8. Chapter 8

Steve phoned Ken and Norah Turner in San Diego. He had been the one to call these dear people with the horrific news of their son's suicide. He had planned to accompany Michael's body back to California but the day before their departure was scheduled, the raid occurred that resulted in Steve ending up at Tripler. Danny had called and informed the Turner's of Steve's condition, but the SEAL hadn't yet talked to them. Steve knew the family well and had been a guest in their home several times over the years.

"Ken...it's Steve"  
"Steven, son how are you?"  
"I'm fine sir" His voice shook as he continued, "Ken, I'm so sorry..."  
"Steve, Michael loved you and I know you loved him. We know you would have been here if you could have been. We love you too son, and we're worried about you"

"I'm much better"  
"Steve, you know how Micheal struggled with PTSD, please don't take this lightly"  
"I won't Ken. I'm going to get help"  
"You're going to?"  
"Yes...but I have to do something first, and I need your help"  
"What do you need Steve?"  
"Ken, I don't believe that Michael harmed Wendy or had anything to do with her disappearance and I want to prove that"

Steve heard the other man sigh deeply before he replied softly, "Oh my God...thank you"  
"Don't thank me yet"  
"Steve, no matter what you find...or if you find nothing at all...I thank you for seeing Michael for the good man he was and for loving him as your brother. How can I help?"

"I'm in my office with my partner Danny, is it okay if I put you on speakerphone?"  
"Oh course, that's fine"  
Danny then spoke, "Hello Ken"  
"Hello Danny, are you taking good care of Steve for us?"  
"I am sir...he's behaving"  
They all chuckled and then Steve began, "Ken, these questions are not going to be easy for you"  
"Son, nothing I hear now can be harder on me than what I've already gone through"  
Danny noted Steve's hesitation so he spoke, "Ken, Michael told us he had hit Wendy"  
"Yes, the police told me that"  
Steve then asked, "Do you know if that ever happened before?"  
"Are you asking if my son abused his wife?"  
"Ken, I'm sorry but we have to ask these questions, we have to know everything"  
"I understand …...the answer is no. I never heard of Michael being violent with Wendy, not since..."  
As Ken hesitated, Danny asked "Since when?"  
Steve spoke softly, "When Michael returned home from re-hab after our mission he was still seeing a Doctor for his PTSD but he suffered from severe nightmares and one night he almost killed Wendy. Luckily, Michael's brother Levi was visiting and he was able to pull him off of her but she was seriously beaten. Mike went back into in-patient treatment at that point and it helped him. Wendy stood by his side and forgave him. Danny, they loved each other"

Danny then said, "I don't doubt that at all Steve, but she WAS cheating on him"  
The surprise in Ken's voice was evident, "What?"

Steve then spoke, "Ken, Michael caught her with another man. That's what led to their confrontation and him hitting her. Didn't the police tell you this?"

"No, they didn't"  
"He had gone to a Hotel for a couple of days and then she called him. He went there hoping to reconcile but Wendy asked him for a divorce and he did loose control and he struck her. Did he tell you anything about his black-outs?"

"No. From what I knew, he hadn't had a blackout for a couple of years. My God Steve, I didn't know any of this...why didn't he come to me?"

"Ken, that's not unusual. I'm sure he just didn't want to worry you. I need to talk to Sean and Levi, can I get their numbers from you?"  
"Sure. Hold on a minute"  
After receiving the phone numbers from Ken and promising to keep in touch, Steve hung up the phone.

Danny asked, "What in the hell Steve? Why wouldn't the police talk to his Father about her cheating?"  
Steve shook his head, "I don't know, but we'll find out. I'm going to call Mike's brothers, can you go check in with Chin and Kono?"

"Sure, I'll be right back"

**5050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

Danny sat across from Chin who stated, "I'm on hold. I'm waiting for the Police Chief"  
"Ask him why he never told Michael's parents about Wendy's affair"  
"What?"  
They looked up as Kono entered the room, "Guys, I may have something here"  
Danny asked, "What is it?"  
"Wendy Turner was having an affair with a cop"  
Danny looked at Chin, "Hang up buddy, let's go talk to Steve before you talk to them"  
As he hung up the phone Chin asked, "Danny, how is Steve doing?"  
"He's okay, but I'm watching him closely. He's finally talking and getting things off his chest"  
Chin nodded, "Good"

The three then moved to Steve's office and as he hung up the phone Danny asked, "Did his brothers know anything?"  
"I talked to Levi but couldn't reach Sean. Michael had told Levi that Wendy was sleeping with a guy named Jonah, but that's all he knows"

Kono then said, "Hi name is Jonah Lincoln and he's a cop"  
"What? Who told you that?"  
"Michael's boss had me talk to Scott Warren. Apparently, the two were good friends. Michael gave him Jonah's name and told him that Wendy had said they'd been seeing each other for more than a year. She said she was going to marry Jonah...once both of their divorces were finalized"

Steve shook his head "He was a married cop?"  
Danny added, "That answers why the police never told the Turner's about the affair"  
Steve ran a hand across his face, "They're covering for their boy. I need to fly to San Diego. Kono can you book me a flight please?"

Danny nodded, "Fine partner, but you're not going alone, book two seats Kono"  
Chin grinned, "You better make it four seats Kono, we'll all be going to San Diego"  
Steve sighed softly, "Thank you"

At five o'clock that evening after Governor Denning had given 5-0 a week to follow-up on Michael's case, the team boarded a Hawaiian Airlines flight to California.

Sitting next to each other in the plane, Danny looked at his partner.  
Steve was staring out the window, his hand cupped under his chin, his fingers to his lips.  
Danny said softly, "Hey buddy, you okay?"  
"I'm just thinking Danny. Michael was my Commanding Officer for two and a half years. I learned so much from him about strength and courage, and about making tough calls and being decisive. He saved my life Danny"

"Really?"  
"In Serbia, a year before the mission into Iraq. We were sent in to rescue an American diplomat who was being held hostage by a rebel faction. They were demanding the release of a Serbian General who was being held on charges of solicitation to commit murder and corruption charges. The General was heading up the rebel faction and they had been plotting to overthrow the Government. The rescue went well but as we moved towards our chopper for the extraction we came under heavy gunfire. I was hit in the back twice and as I hit the ground I thought it was over for me Danny. I couldn't move my legs, I couldn't feel anything"

"You were paralyzed?"  
Steve's voice lowered, "Yes...thank God it was temporary. Michael had already reached the chopper and he saw me fall but he didn't hesitate in coming back for me. He ran through intense gunfire to get to me and then as the rest of our team provided cover, he threw me over his shoulder and carried me to the chopper"

"Wow...how long were you paralyzed babe?"  
"Four days. The surgery went well and once the swelling went down the feeling and full movement returned"  
"Thank God for that"  
"He saved my life Danny. He was a hero in so many ways and a damn good man. I loved him and I know he's not a killer"  
"And we're going to do everything we can do to clear his name Steve"  
Steve McGarrett tipped his head back and closed his eyes as memories of his lost friend filled his mind.

**5050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

After arriving in San Diego and renting a car they went to a nearby steakhouse house for dinner before checking into a hotel where Michael's brothers Sean and Levi met them in the lounge. The group shared a few beers and talked about Mike. Danny, Chin and Kono listened carefully as they used their years of experience and more importantly, their non-biased judgments to form their own opinions.

Later, the 5-0 team sat in one of their two adjoining rooms planning their moves for the next day. They decided to head to the San Diego Police Department early the next morning and wait until they could have a face to face meeting with the Police Chief. They didn't want him to know they were coming, they wanting to see his reaction to their accusation of a cover-up to protect Jonah Lincoln. It was very possible that the Police Chief knew nothing about Lincoln's relationship with Wendy Turner, but they needed to feel him out and hopefully, he would become a valuable ally to them in their search for justice for Michael.

Sitting on the bed, Steve asked "So what are you guys thinking?"  
Chin spoke first, "His brothers loved him very much Steve. It's clear that Mike had a hard time in the first years after the mission but it's also very clear that he had overcome great odds and had been able to find a sense of peace and happiness"

Steve said softly, "They didn't know much about the affair though"  
Danny interjected, "No, but he had told both of them about it and they were able to confirm the man involved was Lincoln. Steve, I think we can all agree with you that Michael was a great man, but is it possible that he snapped and killed her accidentally? I don't think we can rule that out yet...but is it also possible that Jonah Lincoln or even somebody else is involved in her disappearance? Yes, it is. Why don't we all get a good night's sleep now, tomorrow's going to be a busy day"

It was a little after one in the morning when all their plans changed.

Danny woke to Steve's screams as again the nightmares, the ghosts from his past, invaded his mind.  
"CARLOS GET DOWN!"  
This time as Danny raced to his partner's bed, Steve lunged at him.  
The delirious SEAL was screaming as he barreled head first into Danny's chest driving both of them into the nearby dresser. As the dresser slammed against the wall of the adjoining room, Chin and Kono jumped from their beds. They raced into the room just as Steve was hurling Danny across the room.

Chin cried out, "STEVE STOP!" just as Danny's air-born body crashed through the sliding glass door. It was Kono's scream of terror along with the crashing of the glass that pulled Steve from his trance. The look of confusion on his face was evident as he gasped, "Chin...what happened?"  
Kono raced past him hollering, "DANNY! DANNY!"  
Steve turned to see the shattered glass and his eyes then fell to the legs that lay motionless just inside the room. The rest of Danny's body was laid out on the concrete patio, tangled in the cotton drapes that had been torn down on top of him.

Steve looked on in shocked horror as Kono bent over Danny and called back, "Oh my God. Call an ambulance Chin!"

******** So, I hope you're still enjoying. Are you ready for the Danny whump? I'd love to hear from you and as always, thanks for reading ! ********


	9. Chapter 9

As Chin turned on the lights and raced to the phone, Steve hurried across the room to his partner's side.  
"Danny...oh God Danny"  
Kono was squatting at Danny's side and she help out her hand, "Stop Steve, be careful of the glass"

Taking a few steps back, Steve grabbed the quilt off one of the beds and spread it on the concrete patio next to his injured partner. Kono had her hands cupped under Danny's head and she instructed Steve to grab a pillow. In seconds he was kneeling onto the quilt and as Kono lifted Danny's head he slid the pillow beneath it. As she pulled her hands from his head, Steve instantly noticed that they were covered in his blood and he asked frantically, "Kono, is he okay?"

"He's unconscious, but he's breathing"  
Chin then joined them and handing Steve a small pocket knife, the two men worked frantically to free Danny from the curtains that entangled his body. Danny was wearing sweatpants and a plain white tee shirt, which were both dotted red with his blood. Using the knife, Steve cut away Danny's shirt to see that he had numerous cuts over his entire body from the shattered glass, but the curtain had actually protected him from much of the glass as he fell. Steve glanced up and down Danny body and his eyes fell on a large jagged chard of glass protruding from the inside of his left upper arm.

Chin then said, "Steve, let's move him onto the bed"  
"No Chin...he has a head injury. Is the ambulance on the way?"  
"Yes. Steve are you okay?"  
Steve shook his head and snipped "No Chin, I'm not okay! Christ, what the fuck did I do?"  
Kono grabbed his arm as Chin said firmly, "Steve, you have to calm down so we can take care of him"  
Steve ran a hand across his face as he looked down at his motionless partner. "I'm sorry Chin"  
"Don't worry about it brah, let's just take care of him"  
Kono said softly, "I'll go get some towels"  
Steve added, "Grab a blanket too Kono"

As she moved back into the room Steve placed his hands onto Danny's face. Gently tapping his partner's cheeks he said emotionally, "Danno...Danno can you hear me buddy?" Getting no response he gingerly tilted Danny's head to the side. He had a large welt on the back of his head and a horribly deep gash that was bleeding badly.

Chin had turned Danny's arm to tend to it and Steve said, "Keep that arm steady Chin and don't let that glass move. It could pressing up against against the brachial artery"

Chin nodded, "Got it"  
Kono returned and handed towels to the men and Danny moaned as Steve applied pressure to the head wound. The SEAL leaned close and as he placed a hand tenderly on Danny's bleeding forehead he whispered to him softly, "It's okay Danny, I've got you buddy...just relax"

The three worked in unison pressing towels onto Danny's wounds attempting to staunch the bleeding until the ambulance and police arrived.

As the EMT's worked on Danny, Steve and Chin moved back into the room and the San Diego Police Officers started asking questions.  
Looking at the men, Officer Griggs asked, "Can you tell me what happened here?"  
Steve glanced back at Danny and said, "Officer Griggs, my name is Commander Steven McGarrett. I head up a Special Task Force for the Governor of Hawaii and this is my team. The injured man is my partner and...we umm"

Chin cut in, "We had an accident"  
Officer Griggs glanced down at Danny before stating, "An accident?"  
Chin replied, "Yes Officer, an accident"  
Officer Griggs then said, "I'm going to see your ID's and you'll need you to come to the station with me gentlemen"  
As Chin began to argue with the Officer, Steve said "It's okay Chin. We'll come with you Officer but please allow Miss Kalakaua to go to the hospital with my partner"

"Mr. McGarrett I don't think you're in any position to bargain here but I have no problem allowing Miss..."  
Steve repeated, "Kalakaua"  
Griggs continued, "She can go to the hospital, but I'll be sending a unit along with her as well to interview her"  
Steve nodded, "That's fine...thank you"  
As the EMT's slid a backboard under Danny he moaned loudly and cried out "STEEVVE"  
Brushing past Griggs, Steve was on the floor at Danny's side in seconds. They had placed a neck brace on him and had stabilized his arm leaving the protruding glass in place. His head was heavily bandaged and a nasal cannula was in place. They also had inserted an IV which was pumping saline into his hand. Steve leaned close and spoke soothingly, "I'm here Danno, relax partner"

"Steeve...hhurts..."  
"I know buddy...I'm so sorry. I need you to relax and let these guys help you. They're going to take you to the hospital and Kono's going to go with you"

"Whhat about yyou?"  
Steve grinned, "Don't you worry about me buddy. You're going to be fine"  
''K...'m ggood babe"  
"Yeah, you're good and I'll see you soon"  
Steve then stepped back and as the EMT's lifted Danny onto the stretcher and hugging Kono saying quietly, "Take care of him for me"  
As they parted she replied softly, "I've got him...you take care of yourself boss"

After Danny was wheeled from the room Steve turned to Griggs stating firmly, "I need to see the Chief of Police"

**5050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

A short time later, Steve and Chin were placed in an interrogation room at the San Diego Police Station.  
Griggs brought them coffee and told them that Police Chief Gregory Lucas would arrive shortly.  
Once they were alone in the room, Steve paced back and forth nervously as Chin sat quietly at the table.

After several minutes of silence Steve asked "How much did Danny tell you about what's happening with me Chin?"  
Chin sighed before responding, "He told me that your nightmares have gotten worse"  
Steve's voice shook, "My God Chin, how could I let this happen?"  
"Steve, you didn't intend for this to happen. This wasn't your fault"  
"Then tell me Chin, who's fault is it? Danny's? He didn't ask to be thrown out that fucking window!"  
Chin stood and moved towards his friend, "Steve, stop..."  
Steve raised his hand, "Listen Chin. This IS my fault. I should never have left Tripler in the first place. Then I left and I end up attacking Danny"

Chin interrupted him, "Steve, you need help and you know that. None of us blame you for what's happened... Danny doesn't blame you"

"Once we've talked to the Chief I'm going to need you to work this case for me Chin"  
"Okay...what are you going to do?"  
"I need help Chin and it can't wait" Tears were dampening the SEAL's face as he added, "If I had gone back to Tripler after the first time Danny wouldn't be in the damn hospital now. How could I have been so stupid Chin?"

"Steve, you can't do this to yourself"  
"I can't risk hurting him, or any of you again. You're my family, and I love you. Once we're done here I'm going to check into a facility at the Naval Base on Coronado Island. I see now that I have to do this in-patient Chin, I can't put you guys in anymore danger"

"Okay Steve. And for what it's worth, I think that's a good idea"

At that moment the door opened and San Diego Police Chief entered the room. Extending his hand to Steve he stated, "Commander McGarrett, my name is Gregory Lucas and I'm the Chief of Police, I've been in touch with Governor Sam Denning in Hawaii and he's confirmed your identities with me. He told me you're here to talk to me about Michael Turner and the disappearance of his wife Wendy"

"Yes sir, I am"  
Lucas then said, "Sit down men, I'm here to listen"  
Steve told him what Micheal had told him, and the Chief was clearly shocked when he was told that Officer Jonah Lincoln was the man involved in a year long affair with Wendy Turner.

"Jonah? Are you sure?"  
Steve nodded, "Yes, Michael told me about the affair before he killed himself. His brother told me the man's name was Jonah and then we also heard from a co-worker of Michael's that it was Jonah Lincoln and that he was a cop"

Lucas shook his head in disbelief, "He's a damn good cop"  
Steve then added, "Michael told his friend that the two were planning on marrying after their divorces were finalized"  
Lucas said quietly, "Jonah's father-in-law and brother in-law are cops too"  
"Really?"  
"Yes, that's how he met his wife. He was her brother's partner" Lucas sighed and continued, "He's been married for more than ten years and has four children….this is very shocking"

Steve spoke softly, "We need to look into this Chief Lucas. I knew Michael very well and I don't believe he killed his wife"  
"I understand your concerns Commander and I promise that you'll have my full cooperation with this. I need time to look into the case. Can you leave me your cellphone number and I'll get back to you soon?"

Steve nodded, "Actually I'm going to be unavailable but I would like you to contact Detective Kelly and he can get in touch with me"  
"That will be fine Commander. I do need to ask you about what happened at the Hotel?"  
"That's why Chin will be working with you Sir" Hesitating slightly Steve added "I've been experiencing some issues with PTSD and I'll be checking into the Coronado Naval Hospital for treatment"

Lucas nodded, "I'm glad to see you're getting help Commander. How is your partner?"  
"We haven't heard anything yet"  
"Do you have a car?"  
"It's at the Hotel"  
"I'll have one of my men drive you back over there"  
"Thank you"

Chin handed the Chief his card and after shaking hands, the men left and soon they were in their rental car and heading to the Hospital to check on Danny.

******* I hope you enjoyed the chapter and there's more to come ! I'd love to hear your thoughts and THANKS for reading and reviewing ! *******


	10. Chapter 10

The men found Kono sitting alone in the waiting room sipping on a cup of coffee.  
She stood to greet them, "Hey guys, no word yet"  
Steve looked towards the door nervously, "What's taking so long?"  
Kono grinned softly, "It hasn't been that long boss. He had a lot of cuts to stitch up" She noticed Steve cringe at her words and she added softly, "Steve, I'm sorry"

He put his arm lovingly around her shoulder and grinned, "Why are you sorry, it's true. Oh God guys, I can't believe I did this to him"  
Chin motioned towards the vending machines, "Let me get us some coffee. Kono, do you need another cup?"  
"Sure cous', thanks"  
They all moved over to a table and Steve told Kono about his revised plan to check into the Hospital immediately after getting an update on Danny.  
The young detective reached out and grasped his hand, "That's good Steve. We all love you and we want you to get better…we need you"  
"I'll do whatever I have to do Kono. I love you too"

They talked about what Chief Lucas had told them and then Steve requested that Kono remain at the hospital with Danny, which of course she agreed to do.  
About half an hour after they arrived a Doctor entered the room asking, "Are you the family of Mr. Williams?"  
They stood and Steve replied, "Yes Sir. Well, we're detectives and he's my partner. My name is Steve McGarrett and I'm Danny's Medical POA" After quick introductions, Steve asked "How's Danny?"

"He's a very lucky young man. He does have a concussion and the gash to the back of his head required more than thirty stitches, internally and externally. The cut on his forehead required twelve stitches as well, but the rest of his facial cuts were able to be closed with butterfly bandages so the scarring should be minimal. We also needed to stitch numerous cuts to his chest, abdomen and legs. I'm most concerned about his arm though. Keeping the glass in place was very smart as it was only centimeters from the brachial artery and I repeat what I said before, he's very lucky. The glass was jagged and very fragile. It had chipped off in his arm and I had to do a lot of digging but I believe I got it all out. His arm's going to be very sore for a while and he lost quite a lot of blood so I'm giving him a transfusion now, but I expect him to recover fully"

The sigh of relief from Steve was evident and Kono reached over and lovingly squeezed his arm as he said "Thank You Doc…..thank you"  
The Doctor smiled at the trio, "Of course"  
Steve then asked, How long will he need to stay here?"  
"I'll check in on him mid-afternoon and if he's doing well I can release him then, otherwise he should be able to leave tomorrow"  
Steve smiled at the news and asked, "Can we see him now?"  
"Yes, I'll send a Nurse in to take you to his room"  
Steve extended his hand and after the Doctor left he looked at his friends and stated softly, "Danny's not the only one who's lucky. I don't know what I would have done if…."

Chin interrupted him, "Don't think about the 'if's' Steve, they'll drive you crazy. You heard the Doc, he's going to be alright"  
Steve smiled and nodded his head, "Yeah"

**5050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

A short time later they were all escorted into the small room.  
Danny opened his eyes as he heard them enter and his goofy grin brought smiles to all their faces.  
He said groggily, "Well partner, your 'Superman' nickname truly fits. Shit you threw me across that room like a ragdoll!"  
Moving to Danny's side and placing a hand on his forearm the SEAL said softly, "Danny, I'm so sorry"  
Danny chuckled weakly, "Hey, you did warn me you know"  
Steve said emotionally, "Danny, this isn't funny...I could have killed you"  
Danny pushed himself up and Chin asked, "Do you want me to raise the bed?"  
"Yeah, just a bit...thanks Chin"

As Danny closed his eyes and rested his head back on the pillow, Steve asked nervously "Are you okay 'D?"  
"Yeah buddy, my head just hurts a bit"  
"I'm sure it does. Hey Danny, I've decided I can't wait to go into treatment...I can't risk hurting you...any of you"

Danny opened his eyes and reaching out he grasped his partner's hand, "Steve, that's good"  
Tears welled in both men's eyes as Steve said softly, "I never meant to hurt you Danny"  
"I know that...God, I know that. I love you buddy and all I want is for you to get help, that's all that matters"  
"And I'll get it...I know that I need in-patient treatment Danny and I'm going to check into the hospital at Coronado Naval Base"

"Do you know how long the treatments normally are?"  
"I think sixty to ninety days is typical"  
"I want you to promise me you'll concentrate on only you. I'm fine and we'll take care of each other and we'll take care of business. You do everything you have to do to come back to us healthy and happy because we love you and we need you"

Tears slid down Steve's cheeks and his voice shook, "I love you too...and I promise"  
"Come here you animal"  
Steve leaned over and the men embraced as Steve whispered "Thank You Danno"

As they separated Steve said "Kono's going to stay with you and Chin's going to work with the San Diego Police Chief on Michael's case"  
"I'll be fine here Steve, Kono can help Chin. The Doc says I'll be released today or tomorrow"  
"I'll feel better if she stays here with you"  
Danny grinned, "You're such a mother-hen, you know that?"  
Steve smiled, "No more than you are buddy"  
Danny nodded, "I treasure Kono's companionship and I don't want you to worry about a thing"  
Steve shook his head, "Okay" Glancing at his three team members he added, "I know you'll all handle everything, thank you"

They visited for a short time and then after Steve called Governor Denning with an update, he and Chin left the hospital and headed to the Naval Base.  
After they had left the room Kono said quietly, "I hope he'll be alright"  
Danny said softly, "He will be now sweetheart"

The men stopped by the Hotel to pick up Steve's bags and once they reached the base, Chin promised to keep Steve updated on Michael's case. As the SEAL exited the rental car he leaned in through the open window, "Chin, I care greatly about what happened with Mike, but please don't let Danny over-do it"

"Don't worry Steve, Kono and I will keep him under control and watch him closely. Like he told you, we all need you to concentrate on getting better and we'll handle everything else"  
"I know you will….thank you brother"  
"You go now and I'll talk to you soon"  
Steve grinned softly, "Okay, bye"  
Chin watched as his friend walked to the gate of the military facility and once Steve passed through security, Chin sighed deeply and drove from the site, heading back to the hospital.

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A couple hours later as Danny slept, Chin's cell phone rang.  
Moving to the corner of the room he answered softly, "This is Kelly"  
"Detective Kelly, this is Chief Lucas. Can you come to my office?"  
"I can be there in fifteen minutes sir"  
"Good, I'll see you then"  
Kono was at his side asking, "The Police Chief?"  
"Yes. He wants me to come to his office. I'll call you soon okay?"  
"Okay, be careful cous'"  
He smiled and after embracing his cousin he left the room and Kono returned to Danny's bedside.

A short time later Chin was led into the Chief's office.  
"Have a seat Detective" As Chin sat the Chief continued, "I've talked to the Officers who initially responded to the Turner home. A call had come in from Wendy Turner's employer after she hadn't shown up for work for two consecutive days. Officer Darin Waipuna and his rookie partner Joel Casey were the first on the scene. Waipuna is a seasoned veteran but he's also a good friend of Jonah Lincoln's and because of that, I interviewed the two Officers separately...and I'm glad I did, because Commander McGarrett was right. Officer Casey told me that as they arrived on the scene he noticed Jonah Lincoln's trucked parked halfway down the block. He stated that he pointed the truck out to Waipuna but that Darin didn't acknowledge that he saw it, but moments after they entered the home Casey said Darin received a call and went outside. Casey looked out the bay window and saw Waipuna talking to Lincoln on the front lawn. He couldn't hear them but he said their conversation was very animated and when Waipuna re-entered the house he told Casey to follow his lead and to not ask questions. Waipuna called another unit to come and secure the scene, telling them that he had a lead to follow up on but that Lincoln had been driving by on this way into town and he would remain there until they arrived. It was Lincoln's day off but according to Waipuna, he had been staking out the house knowing that the police would be called soon. Before Casey and Waipuna left, Lincoln entered and waited for the back-up to arrive"

Chin nodded, "So if ever questioned, he could answer why his fingerprints were in the home"  
Lucas replied, "Exactly"

"The men then drove to seedy motel where Darin met with a drug informant while Casey remained in the car. A short while later, with the drug informant in the back of the squad, they came to the station. Waipuna had paid the informant off and the man stated on the record that he had witnessed Michael Turner leaving the home two days earlier, dazed and covered in blood"

"So why did Casey talk?"  
"As I told you, he's a rookie and he felt pressured and threatened to do what Waipuna told him to do, but he's a good cop and a good man. He didn't hesitate to tell me the truth when I talked to him. Then I confronted Waipuna and he told me everything as well"

"I can assume that they'll both be reprimanded?"  
"Absolutely. They've both been placed on administrative leave until further notice and I'm keeping them at the station and under watch until after we take Lincoln into custody. I thought you may want to accompany me"

"I certainly do, thank you Chief"

******* I hope you're still enjoying! Sorry for the delay in posting, but I should be able to get more up this week-end - (I might even finish it.) Thanks for reading and as always, A special THANK YOU to all of you who take the time to review! *******


	11. Chapter 11

******* This chapter includes discussions of therapy for Steve. Please note that I am not a Psychologist and this is 'fan fic'. I will try to write as accurately as possible and I hope you enjoy! *******

Chin accompanied Chief Lucas and two other Officers to the home of Jonah Lincoln.

Chin's heart sunk as the front door opened and greeting them was a young woman holding an infant while another small child clung to her leg.

"Chief Lucas...is something wrong?"  
"Hi Katie, we need to talk to Jonah"  
"He's sleeping. Come on in and I'll get him"  
As they entered the house Lucas said, "Katie, we need to go to him. Where's the bedroom?"  
She looked at him nervously, "What's going on here?"  
"Katie please...where's the bedroom?"  
Chin's eyes fell on the couple's two older children sitting at the kitchen table, coloring pictures as Katie pointed own the hall "Last room on the right"

The four men entered the room with their hands placed on their side-arms.  
Jonah Lincoln opened his eyes as the men stepped towards the bed, "What is this Chief?"  
"You know Jonah. I need you to come to the station with me so we can discuss Wendy Turner. I don't want to cause a scene here in front of Katie and the kids so if you come quietly, we won't cuff you"

Jonah nodded, "Yes sir" He then slowly stood from the bed and after dressing, he handed the Chief his service revolver and they all exited the room. All four children were now sitting around the kitchen table as Katie approached her husband. Placing her hands on his arms she said softly, "Honey, what's going on?"

He smiled at his pretty young wife and said, "I have to go to the station for a while. We'll talk later okay?"  
Five year old Heather called out, "Daddy, can we go to the zoo now!"  
He moved over to the table, "No sweetie, I'm sorry but I have to go into work today so Mommy will have to take you guys without me"  
Seven year old Mikayla cried out, "Daddy, you promised!"  
Kissing his daughters foreheads Lincoln said, "I'm sorry girls, but I can't go today. I need you both to help Mommy with your brothers okay?"

Two and a half year old Peter bounced in his booster seat saying, "Bye, Bye Daddy!"  
Kissing Peter and ten month old Nathaniel he then moved back to his wife and hugging her tightly he whispered "Katie, I'm so sorry"

Not wanting to alarm the children, Katie replied "Call me when you can, I love you"  
His voice shook as they parted and he said, "I love you too...I'm so sorry"  
Katie stood in the doorway watching her husband as he walked across the lawn and entered the back of the squad car. She was confused and scared and tears streaked her cheeks. She stood motionless for several minutes until her oldest daughter came to her side and took hold of her hand. She looked down at Mikayla as the child said, "It's okay Mommy, we'll have fun today"

Kneeling down she hugged her child and then moved back into the house, closing the door behind her.

**5050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

Steve was taken to a private room overlooking the Ocean and an appointment was scheduled for later that day for him to meet with a Naval Psychologist. He took a shower and then after making a pot of coffee he moved out onto the balcony of his room. He sat on a hard metal chair and as he sipped his coffee, his mind drifted back in time...back to his brothers.

He smiled as he remembered Mike. God the man was a great leader! He remembered a valuable lesson he had learned from Mike when Jeremy had first joined the unit, eighteen months before their fateful mission. As the 'newbie' the entire Team had razzed Jeremy mercilessly, and no one more so than Michael. He had joined the Team three weeks after they had buried Andy...Andy Steegle. Andy had died during a mission to South Africa and it had been very tough on the entire team, especially Michael. Michael and Andy had gone through SEAL training together and they were very close. Mike was the Andy's best man at his wedding and he and Wendy were the Godparents of Andy's firstborn son...Andrew Michael Steegle.

Steve remembered that when Jeremy first joined the Team, Michael was very tough on him...so tough that he had pulled him aside one night.  
Steve replayed the conversation over in his mind, "Michael, what's your problem with Jeremy?"  
"Problem? I don't have any problems with him, he's a great kid"  
"You've been awfully tough on him"  
"What? Is he complaining?"  
Steve had shook his head, "No, of course not. Buddy I know you miss Andy and nobody can replace him but I just think you're being a little hard on him"

Tears had welled in Michael's eyes as he said, "If you think I'm being so tough on him because he's replacing Andy...well, you're right..." His voice had hardened as he stated, "I'm being tough on him because I care about him and I'm going to do everything in my power to make him the best damn SEAL he can be, so he can stay alive"

As those words echoed in Steve's head, tears slid down his cheeks_ 'I'm going to do everything in my power to make him the best damn SEAL he can be, so he can stay alive' _

Steve wiped his eyes and sighed deeply. Jeremy had turned out to be a hell of a SEAL... but it still didn't matter. Eighteen months later his guts were spilling out of his body and Michael blamed himself for the young man's death. But it wasn't Mike's fault, it was his...he should never have taken that shot, never...

**5050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

Danny woke a little before noon and with a little help from Kono he got out of bed and moved to a chair next to the window in the room.  
He sat quietly for a while before Kono eventually asked, "How are you feeling Danny?"  
"I'm good, my arm just hurts"  
"The Doc said he had to dig a lot to get all the glass out of there, so you're going to hurt for a while"

"Have you heard from Steve or Chin?"  
"No not yet. Danny, I was talking to your Doctor about Steve's situation and he suggested we talk to a Psychologist friend of his who could give us some advice on how we can help him"

"That's a good idea Kono"  
"He's going to stop by after lunch"  
"What time is it anyway? I'm starving"  
Kono grinned, "It's noon"  
Danny then called Rachel to fill her in on everything, and about an hour later as they were finishing up their lunch Doctor Howard Breckinridge arrived. After introductions, he sat at the table with them and Danny stated, "Thank you for coming Doc"

"You're welcome. PTSD is a horrible thing to endure and anytime I can provide education and guidance I will do so. It's my understanding that your friend is an ex-Navy SEAL and his trauma is due to combat missions, is that correct?"

Danny nodded, "Yes Sir. He was the Commanding Officer of a SEAL Team"  
"I've treated hundreds of patients with PTSD and three quarters of them are Military men and women. Their experiences and their reactions can be so different, yet the symptoms are always similar. The three main PTSD symptom clusters are re-experiencing, avoidance and hyperarousal. Re-experiencing consists of flashbacks, thoughts of the traumatic events and vivid nightmares. Patients can experience emotional detachment and loss of control"

Danny said softy, "He's definitely suffering from that"  
"Nightmares?"  
"Yes. We've been partners for almost two years and he's shared quite a bit with me about several of his missions. He...he feels a lot of guilt, misplaced guilt over his lost brothers"

"Survivor guilt is very common. Do you know if he was ever tortured?"  
"Yes, several times"  
"Torture almost always results in PTSD and we find that men who suffered torture and trauma often experience extreme guilt. They can't come to grips with why they survived while their brothers died"

Danny sighed, "Yeah..."  
The Doctor then continued, "With avoidance, the patient will try to stay away from events that trigger memories including places, conversations or other reminders of the traumatic events. With the third symptom hyperarousal, he'll experience sleep issues and fatigue, irritability, hypervigilance, anxiety and problems with concentration. "

Danny said, "He certainly has sleep issues. Everything escalated after one of his SEAL brothers committed suicide in front of him"  
"That would certainly trigger the PTSD. What was his initial reaction to the suicide?"

"He was in shock but over the next couple of days he seemed to return to normal. Then a couple of days later we were involved in a shootout and he froze...he couldn't return the fire. That had never happened before and it scared him. He voluntarily checked into Tripler Medical Center but he only stayed for a few days. He wouldn't talk to the psychologist but he did open up to me after that"

The Doctor shook his head, "Hopefully he'll talk to the Doctor now"  
Danny nodded, "I hope so"  
"Even if he does, he's going to need you both"  
"And we'll be there for him"  
"Good. By checking into the SIPP..."  
Kono interrupted, "What does that stand for?"  
"Sorry, it stands for 'Specialized Intensive PTSD Programs' and it sounds like he's where he needs to be. He'll receive a one-on-one mental health assessment and testing along with individual and group psychotherapy. The group therapy will help with his feelings of guilt. One of the most important things that Steve needs to learn is to forgive himself, and research shows that group therapy helps with that. He'll see that he's not alone and that others are suffering in the same way. Guilt is a healthy human emotion but in cases of PTSD the guilt is crippling and they need 'permission' to forgive himself. Hopefully he'll be able to find some peace"

Kono said softly, "Oh God, I hope so"  
Danny took her hand in his as the Doctor continued, "Two types of treatment have been shown effective, professional counseling and medications"

Danny then said, "Steve will fight that...he's doesn't like taking anything"  
"Is that because of the nightmares?"  
"Drugs make his nightmares more severe"  
"The Doctors will talk to him about that. Prazosin has been shown to block the noradrenergic stimulation of the brain, thus decreasing nightmares. They'll also likely treat him with buspirone and a beta blocker for his anxiety and hyperarousal symptoms"

Danny shook his head, "He's a stubborn ass Doc and I just can't see him agreeing to taking meds"  
"He's a strong and successful military man but the Doctors are very used to dealing with this type of personality. Because of their strong wills there often is push back and initial refusal for drug therapy. The patient's often express fear becoming addicted but an even bigger hurdle for them is feeling that needing medication is a 'weakness' or 'crutch'"

Danny grinned, "I can see that with Steve"  
"Again, group therapy can help them in overcoming that feeling"  
"Thank you Doctor. Now I'm even more relieved that he's checked in for help...he needs it"  
"And he's going to need you both more than ever once he's released. Alcohol and drug abuse is commonly used to numb their feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts are are not unusual. He will never fully be cured of PTSD, but he can be taught skills that will help him cope Remember the symptoms I've told you, he will experience tough times and you will probably know when he needs to talk, before he's even willing to ask. It''s common for victims to pull away from their friends and family and to isolate themselves. You need to walk a fine line, watch him carefully but don't smother him" He reached into his pocket and pulled out business cards, handing them to Danny and Kono, "Call me anytime with any questions and I wish your friend all the best"

After final thanks, the Doctor left and Kono squeezed Danny's hand tightly saying, "He'll be alright Danny...he'll be alright"

******* This chapter took quite a bit of time to write - I hope you're enjoying and I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts! *******


	12. Chapter 12

******* WARNING - this chapter contains descriptions of torture scenes *******

Jonah Lincoln sat with his handcuffed hands folded in front of him and resting on the hard, concrete table.  
Chin stood off to the side of the room, his arms folded across his chest.  
Chief Lucas paced silently back and forth in front of his Officer for several minutes before leaning over and hitting the record-button on the tape recorder before beginning, "Jonah Lincoln, you have the right to remain silent... anything you say, can and will be used against you..."

When he was done, Lucas placed his hands flat onto the table and said calmly, "It's over Jonah, Waipuna and Casey have told us everything"  
Lucas looked at his Chief defiantly, "What are you talking about?"  
"Listen to me now Jonah. Michael Turner talked and he told his friend that his wife was having an affair with you"

Chin watched the man's reaction carefully noting the blood drain from his face. After several moments of silence the prisoner replied, "That's not true, I would never cheat on my wife"

Chief Lucas grinned, "Oh Jonah…we both know that's not true now, don't we?" Jonah squirmed in his seat as Lucas continued, "Two years ago…..Chloe Winters"  
Jonah replied nervously, "What?"

"That's right, I know about it. Katie's Father told me. He and I went through the Academy together and he came to me. He told me that you and Katie were trying to reconcile and he asked me not to say anything, so I didn't. So tell me Jonah, do you think he's going to be so supportive this time? I doubt it….."

The young Officer was sweating as he stated, "So, I had an affair….that's not illegal"  
"No, but murder is"  
Without hesitation, Lincoln stated "I need to see a lawyer"

Chief Lucas than informed Lincoln that he was being held on suspicion of first degree murder and after he was led from the room Chin asked, "So what are your thoughts Chief?"  
The Chief sighed deeply, "I've known Jonah Lincoln for twelve years and he's been a good cop. But honestly I think he fears Katie's Dad and brother more than he fears going to jail, so do I think he might have killed Wendy Turner to cover up the affair, yeah I do"

After agreeing to keep in touch, Chin left the police station and headed back to the hospital to check on Danny.

**5050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

Chin arrived to find Danny dressed and sitting at the table in the room with Kono. Grinning, he asked "So you're being released?"  
"Yes sir"  
Kono shook her head, "Danny we don't know that yet" Turning to Chin, she added "The Doctor hasn't been in yet"  
Danny stated firmly, "I'm leaving…..I'm fine"  
Chin sat next to him, "Well let's see what the Doctor has to say okay?"  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah…..so what's happening with the case Chin?"

"They've arrested Lincoln, but he's lawyered up" Chin gave them the details of the arrest and interrogation as well as the fact that Chief Lucas believed that Lincoln could possibly be the killer.

Danny smiled, "So it looks like Steve's gut could be right"  
Chin replied, "Yes it does brother"  
"Have you told Steve yet?"  
"No. He wasn't sure how long it would take for him to get settled in so he said he'd call us"  
"Okay good"  
Danny then shared with him the information Doctor Breckenridge had shared regarding PTSD and Kono asked, "Danny, how bad were his nightmares before this?"

Danny sighed before saying softly, "He's had some bad ones….I first became aware of them about three months after the task force was established. They were painting my apartment and I was staying with him for the weekend. He'd been pretty quiet that whole week and Friday night we stayed in and he got hammered. I'd never seen him drink like that but I couldn't get him to tell me what was wrong. I was sleeping on the couch and I woke up to guttural screams coming from his room. I raced up the stairs to find him thrashing about on the bed. He was drenched in sweat and he was screaming for Wes to hang on and he kept repeating over and over again that he was sorry. I was hollering at him to wake up and when I touched him, he grabbed my arms…shit, thinking back now he could have killed me but when I screamed his name he snapped out of it and woke up" Danny paused briefly and ran a hand across his mouth, "I had never seen him like that before. He was sobbing and his entire body was shaking uncontrollably. It was horrible guys…it took at least twenty minutes for him to calm down enough where he could even talk. I just held him and he cried and cried" Danny wiped a tear that slipped from the corner of his eye as he continued, "It was the anniversary of a mission and it was the first time he shared details with me. Steve and Wes had been captured during a raid Steve led into Bolivia. They had been able to provide cover for the rest of the team so they could escape capture and save the teenage son of a Government Official who had been kidnapped by the leaders of a violent drug cartel. Before the team could return to rescue them though Wes was killed and Steve was severely tortured and he almost died. You've both seen the scars on his left side….he was stabbed numerous times and they had to remove part of his kidney. He was also hit several times with an electric prod and…his genitals were burned with cigarettes"

Kono's voice shook as she said softly, "Oh my God"  
Danny continued, "I thought you needed to hear these things because this wasn't the only time he endured torture like that. What Doctor Breckenrige said was correct, it's not even the torture itself that haunts Steve…..it's the guilt he suffers, because he lived and his brother's didn't. He blames himself for every death. When he's thinking rationally of course he knows it's not his fault, but in the throes of those fucking nightmares he blames himself"

Chin then asked, "But the Doctor thinks the group therapy could help him, right?"  
Danny nodded, "Yes….the Doc said that basically the survivor is looking for permission to forgive himself. As many times as I've told him he's not to blame…maybe when he hears it from other military brothers, he'll believe it"

Chin replied softly, "I hope so"  
Danny added "Amen brother"

The three friends visited until the Doctor arrived, and after examining Danny he was giving the all clear to check out with the understanding that he would take it easy over the next few days and return in ten days to have all his stitches removed.

After filling a prescription for pain meds for him, the trio returned to the Hotel.  
While Danny showered, Kono called out for pizza to be delivered and Chin phoned Governor Denning to give him an update.

**505050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050505**

Steve was brought into the office of Doctor Simon Cooper and ten minutes later the Doctor entered the room to find the SEAL standing at the window looking out over the hospital courtyard.

"Commander McGarrett"  
Steve turned to face the Doctor, extending his hand "Yes, it's nice to meet you Sir"  
Cooper smiled and said "Now that the formalities are out of the way, please call me Simon"  
"Okay Simon, I'm Steve"

The men sat and for almost an hour they visited casually, simply getting to know each other.  
Eventually Simon said, "Steve I'm glad you've made the first step and come for help. I would like you to take the rest of the night and try to relax. Get some fresh air, walk the grounds, maybe head down to the water. Try to get a good night sleep and we'll have our first session tomorrow at nine o'clock. Do you need any medication to help you sleep tonight?"

"No thanks Doc, I don't like taking anything"  
"Why's that?"  
"My nightmares typically get worse if I'm on any medication"  
"Have you been having nightmares?"  
Steve chuckled, "That's an understatement….that's why I'm here"  
The Doctor grinned, "We'll delve into that tomorrow. I understand your hesitation about taking something Steve, but I need you to trust me. We've had a lot of success with Prazosin in the treatment of nightmares. I'll have my Nurse leave a dose for you on your nightstand, I think it may help you"

Steve nodded, "I'll think about it"  
"Good. Do you know where the cafeteria is?"  
"No"  
"Take a right out of my office and follow the signs, they're serving meatloaf today and it's pretty good"  
"Sounds good, thank you Doc"  
As they stood and shook hands Doctor Cooper added, "Stay positive Steve, we'll be able to help you here"  
"I sure hope so"

Cooper watched the SEAL for several moments as he made his way down the hallway. He had treated so many brave military men and woman over the years teaching them the skills needed to deal with the demons that so often intruded, and many times took over their thoughts, crippling their everyday lives. He had been able to take a brief look at Commander McGarrett's file and he would remain in the office for several hours tonight researching the man. His job entailed getting into the heads of his patient's and rarely had he come across a man as complex as McGarrett. This man was truly an American Hero and he was going to do everything in his power to help him.

Steve went straight to the cafeteria and after nibbling on meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans, he exited the building and walked down to the beach that backed up to the facility.

As he stood staring out at the beautiful Ocean he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Danny.  
His partner answered on the second ring, "Steve? Hey, how are you?"  
"I'm okay 'D, how are you?"  
"Good. I'm sitting in bed, eating pizza and letting Kono cater to me"  
Steve chuckled as he heard Kono in the background call out, "Not for much longer buddy!" He then asked, "Did you get released?"  
"Yeah, we've been back at the Hotel for a couple of hours. It sounds like you're outside, where are you?"  
"I'm at the Hospital. I just finished an introductory section with Doctor Simon Cooper and now I'm down by the water" His voice lowered as he continued, "I can remember the SEAL drills on these beaches like they were yesterday Danny"

"It's amazing how fast time fly's by, isn't it?"  
"Yes, it is…"  
Detecting the sadness in his partner's voice Danny asked, "So what do you think of this Cooper guy?"  
"He's good. We talked for about an hour. He's been at the Hospital for almost twenty years...he wants me to take meds to help me sleep though"  
Danny asked, "Prazosin?"  
Steve replied surprisingly, "Yeah…..how'd you know that?"  
"I am Doctor Danno you know" A smile crossed the Jersey detective's face as he heard his partner chuckle and he added, "You didn't think we'd do our research Steven?"

"You're right, I should have known"  
"That's right babe. Seriously though, I think you should take the Prazosin, it sounds like it works and you could sure use a good night's sleep"  
Steve replied softly, "I'll think about it"  
"Okay…good. Hey it looks like you were right about Michael"  
"Really? What happened?"  
"The San Diego Police Chief is working with us and he's arrested Officer Lincoln on suspicion of first degree murder. Chin was there during the interrogation and Lincoln admitted to an affair with Wendy but then he clammed up and asked for a lawyer"

"Not surprising I guess"  
"We'll keep you posted"  
"Tell Chin good work"  
"I will. So do you want me to come up there?"  
"I'm good tonight buddy, I'm exhausted"  
"Well take Doctor Danno's advice then. Take that pill and get a good night sleep. When are you seeing the Doctor next?"  
"Nine o'clock tomorrow morning"  
"Why don't you give me a call after you're done okay?"  
"Will do….and Danny…thanks"  
"You're welcome. You call me during the night if you need to talk. You're doing the right thing Steve and everyone sends their love"  
Steve replied softly, "I love you too….bye"

Hanging up the phone Steve closed his eyes and tipped his head back. He inhaled deeply as a soft Ocean mist kissed his face mixing with the tears that slipped down his cheeks.

******* Your reviews of my story have been overwhelming and each one is greatly appreciated. As I've said before, I write for the joy of writing (don't I WISH I could do it for a living!) Hearing that people enjoy what you write provides great motivation to continue, so THANK YOU! *******


	13. Chapter 13

********** WARNING – this chapters contains depictions of wartime violence **********

Steve stood at the Ocean's edge for quite a while, lost in his thoughts…..

His mind drifted back to his SEAL training, right here in Coronado and to Freddy Hart. He had met Freddy in the Academy and the two had become inseparable. He would never forget how their brotherly bond had grown even deeper during the grueling six months of BUDS training. He smiled at the memory of how Freddy's family had invited him into their home that first Thanksgiving, making him feel as though he was, and always had been a member of their family. Their friendship had grown stronger with each passing day and when Freddy was killed during the capture and evacuation of Anton Hess he never thought he could recover. Freddy had been number twelve….the twelfth and final brother of his to die on the battlefield.

He had hand-selected Freddy to go into North Korea with him to capture Hess and over the last year and half that mission...that death, had haunted his dreams more than all of his other losses combined. And since Michael's death, Freddy was on his mind almost constantly. He could see himself in that damn jungle crouched next to his buddy who knew he was dying from the bullet wound he had suffered to the gut. Freddy's words echoed in his brain, telling him that it was over for him and instructing him to leave with Hess….to not let the mission 'be for nothing' He could see so vividly Freddy providing him cover by firing on the approaching enemy as he threw Hess into the back of the truck and as he drove away he had watched on as the North Koreans riddled his brother with bullets…...He had left this beloved brother to die alone in a pool of blood…...He had left Freddy and no matter what anybody told him, he could never forgive himself for that.

Only days before the mission Freddy had married his pregnant girlfriend Kelly, and seven months after his death she gave birth to their beautiful daughter, Courtney. Steve had flown to San Diego the day the child was born and as he cradled her in his arms his heart broke all over again. She had grabbed his finger and looking into her eyes he saw Freddy. She not only had her Daddy's eyes and nose but she had his same dimpled chin. He had fought back tears as he stroked her soft cheek with his finger thinking not only of her growing up without her Daddy, but also of the fact that his dear friend would never experience the love and joy of his little miracle.

As the memories flooded over him and tears streaked his cheeks he whispered softly, "I'm so sorry Freddy"  
When he finally opened his eyes the sun was beginning to set over the Ocean. He could see this. He could enjoy this beauty, he could breathe in the wonderful, fresh smells….Freddy couldn't. Eleven other brothers couldn't, and now Michael couldn't. All these brave men were dead and he was standing here, why? Why had God spared him so many times and taken all of them? Why had God taken his Mother and then his Father? Why did everyone he love die?

Turning from the setting sun, Steve walked slowly through the sand and back to his room.

Once inside he set his bag up onto the bed and opening it up and his eyes fell on the notes from Danny and Gracie. Taking them from the bag, he ran his hands across the paper as he read them and tears again welled in his eyes. Setting them on the nightstand he picked up the small plastic cup holding the pill that Doctor Cooper had left him. Tossing it into his mouth and swallowing it, he them stripped down to his boxers and shutting off the light he crawled into bed and in minutes, exhaustion overtook him and he slept.

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Steve slept through the night and when he woke to the sound of birds chirping outside he stretched his arms out above his head and groaned softly.

He lay there for several moments before glancing at his watch noting it was after seven. He had slept for almost ten hours and he honestly hadn't felt this rested in weeks. After starting a pot of coffee and taking new clothes from his bag, he moved to the bathroom to take a shower.

At nine o'clock on the dot, he was led into the office of Doctor Cooper.  
As he sat facing the Doctor across his desk, Cooper smiled "Good Morning Steve. Did you have breakfast?"  
"Yes, thank you and by the way, the meatloaf was excellent but the mashed potatoes were lumpy"  
Cooper chuckled, "I like them lumpy. How did you sleep?"  
Steve shook his head, "I have to admit Doc, I haven't slept that good in weeks"  
"Dream-free?"  
"Yeah….. and yes, I did take the pill"  
"Good. I think the medication can help you Steve. Our program entails individual sessions with me, group sessions and a combination of medications"

Steve replied, "Simon, I really don't like taking drugs. I don't have a problem talking with you but the groups and the meds are out"  
"Can you tell me why you're so against drug therapy?"  
"I just don't like how they make me feel"  
"And how's that?"  
"Cloudy, and hazy"  
"Do you feel like that now?"  
Steve grinned as he replied, "No"  
"Steve I'm going to repeat what I said yesterday, I need you to trust me"  
"I trust you Simon...I just don't like drugs"  
Cooper then asked "Have you ever had any issues with addiction?"  
Steve shook his head, "No, that's never been a problem for me"  
"Fair enough. We can talk about this later"  
"If you say so"

"Okay good. So Steve, tell me about Michael"  
Steve sighed softly and then he began. He talked freely with Doctor Cooper about his time served under Michael and it was very obvious that Steve had loved and respected his friend greatly.

Needing to dig deeper Cooper eventually asked, "Can you tell me more about the mission into Iraq? What went wrong?"  
Steve leaned back in his chair and closing his eyes he began to recant the mission, in all of its horrific detail including the long, torturous death of Jeremy. Tears slipped through Steve's closed eyes and his voice was raw with emotion as we relived that terrible day.

When he was done, Cooper asked "Do you blame yourself for Jeremy's death Steve?"  
Steve sat upright and swallowed hard as he struggled to regain his composure, "I know that Jeremy loved his Country and he was a damn fine SEAL who knew and accepted the risks of our missions. He was highly trained and skilled but the bottom line is, he was simply following orders"

"That's true Steve, but isn't that one of the reasons he was such a fine SEAL? He trusted his superiors and did what was asked of him without question"  
Steve's lips quivered as he replied softly, "As did I, but isn't that the problem Doc?"  
Steve grew silent and Doctor Cooper waited patiently, and after several moments of silence he continued, "We all knew that once I fired that rifle our position would be compromised. Our recon team had miscalculated how many Al-Qaida members would be on site and instead of fifteen there were thirty-eight but Michael's mind was set on moving forward with taking out our target. I had a bad feeling about it but instead of voicing my concerns I followed orders and because of that Jeremy paid with his life"

"Steve, you weren't the Commanding Officer on that mission. The final decision fell on Michael"  
"Yes, it did…but he respected my opinion as well. We'd served together for four years at that point and I was his number two man. I had no problems giving him my opinions and I should have followed my gut and insisted that we wait for back-up, so yeah Doc….I pulled that trigger, so Jeremy's death is my fault"

"You said something interesting Steve. You said that Jeremy loved his Country and that he knew, and accepted the risks of your missions, and I can assume that the same can be said of you, correct?"

"Yes…..of course. I would die in a heartbeat to protect my Country"  
"That's what I thought. So tell me, by taking out Asgari were American lives saved?"

"There's no question about it. He was a major player in the production of the IED devices that have killed and maimed thousands of our men and women, as well as innocent Iraqi civilians"  
"And you would have been willing to die in order to take him out right?"  
"Absolutely"  
"So let me ask you something….don't you think Jeremy felt the same way?"

Steve pushed up from his chair and he walked over to the large window that overlooked the beautiful Pacific Ocean. His eyes fell on a team of SEAL recruits charging across the beach and racing into the water as their Training Officer barked out orders to them. Tears welled in his eyes as Doctor Coopers words sunk in and after several minutes of silence he turned back to the desk and replied shakily, "Yes, I know he felt the same way"

"If your positions had been reversed and you had died Steve, would you have wanted Jeremy to blame himself and to torture himself over your death?"  
Steve said softly, "No...of course not"

"You loved him Steve, and I promise you that he loved you as well. You've gone on and lived your life and you've done many great things but you have to be able to forgive yourself for the loss of Jeremy and the others. You served honorably and you suffered great harm both physically and mentally, but the torture you're enduring now is self-imposed. Have any of your brothers EVER blamed you for the deaths?"

Steve shook his head, "No"  
Doctor Cooper stated calmly, "That's because you're not to blame Steve...you're not to blame"  
Steve looked into the Doctor's eyes, "Doc, I need a few minutes alone..."  
"Of course, you stay here and I'll be back soon"  
"Okay thank you"

********* MORE TO FOLLOW – I hope you're still enjoying ! **********


	14. Chapter 14

Steve stood at the window and ran a hand across his face. He was shaking and his mind was racing….damn, what was wrong with him?  
He took out his phone and dialed Danny.  
"Steve? Are you done with your session already?"  
Steve's voice shook as he answered softly, "No….oh shit Danno….."  
"Hey, hey calm down and tell me what's wrong babe... talk to me"  
"Danny…I….I feel like I'm losing my mind. What's the point of it all partner? Why do we do this?"  
The despair in his friends voice was apparent and Danny spoke calmly, "Hey buddy relax. It's all going to be okay. Where's the Doc now?"  
"He stepped outside…..I told him I needed a minute"  
"I'm on my way okay? I should be there in about twenty minutes"  
"Thank you Danny"  
"Are you going to be okay until I get there?"  
"Yeah…yeah"  
"Okay buddy, I'm on my way….bye"

As he hung up the phone Steve leaned forward pressing on the glass, and burying his face against his arm he sobbed.  
He didn't hear Doctor Cooper re-enter the office a few minutes later and as the Doctor spoke it startled him.  
"Steve?"  
Steve jumped slightly before saying, "Oh, sorry Doc"  
"Are you alright?"  
"I'm just thinking" Turning to face Cooper it was obvious that he had been crying as his eyes were moist, red and puffy.  
"Why don't you take a seat"  
"Doc I called my partner and he's on his way. I think I'll walk down to the water until he gets here, I need to clear my head"  
"Okay, that's good. Friends are very important and you need their love and support. I'll send him down to get you when he arrives. If you need me, I'll be here"  
"Thanks Doc"

Cooper sighed and shook his head slightly as Steve left this office. This one was going to be tough….McGarrett had a lot of baggage and until he was able to fully open up, he wasn't going to be able to heal. Sitting at his desk he opened up the thick file that contained the military history of Steven John McGarrett.

He was still sitting at the desk when his phone rang, "Yes Susan?"  
"Doctor, Detective Danny Williams is here to see you"  
"Bring him in please"

Moving out from behind the desk he reached out his hand as Danny entered. "Hello Detective, my name is Simon Cooper. It's nice to meet you"  
As the men shook hands Danny replied "It's nice to meet you too Doc, please call me Danny" Glancing around the office he asked, "Where's Steve?"

Danny followed Cooper to the window, "He wanted to walk down to the water. I told him I'd send you down, but can we talk for a bit first?"  
"Absolutely"  
"I see in his records that you're listed as his Medical POA"

"Yes I am, how's he doing?"  
As the Doctor spoke, Danny looked out the window at his partner. He was sitting in the sand a few feet from the water's edge and his knees were pulled up to his chest with his arms clasped around them. What concerned him though was the fact that Steve's head was bowed forward and he truly looked to be defeated.

He turned back to Cooper as the Doctor asked "How much do you know about his missions and the torture he endured?"  
Danny sighed, "Honestly, I don't know Doc. He's told me what he wants me to know"  
"I wouldn't say that Danny. I'd say he's told you all he could tell you…or all he's ready to tell you"  
"Yeah, I'd agree with that. He's told me things about each of the brothers he's lost but he's given me more details on some missions than he has on others. He didn't tell me anything at all until we'd been partners for several months and then it was because I was at his place one night when he had one of his nightmares"

"So he keeps his problems private?"  
"Definitely. He doesn't like burdening anyone….he's so mentally strong. I'm worried about though, he seems….broken and I've never seen him like this Doc"  
"Every man, no matter how strong he is, has a breaking point. Michael's death appears to have been Steve's. He seems to have been very close to Michael, do you know if they stayed in touch with each other"

Danny replied, "I know they tried to talk at least every month but they hadn't seen each other for awhile. I think the last time was when Freddy Hart was killed"

"I read about Freddy. He was killed a couple of years ago?"  
"About a year and a half ago" Danny then shared with Doctor Cooper details of the mission into North Korea to capture Anton Hess and how Anton's brother Victor, had killed Steve's Father as revenge after Anton was killed during a daring rescue attempt.

The Doctor held out his hand, "Wait a minute? There's nothing about that in his file"  
Danny shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know...maybe that's because Steve left the service after that. The Governor of Hawaii offered him the opportunity to head up our Task Force to serve under her. It was set-up under the premise that he could go after Victor Hess with full immunity"

"Were you able to capture Hess?"  
"Eventually, but that's a whole other story" Danny told him of Governor Jameson's betrayal and of her connection with Wo-Fat, the man responsible for the death of Steve's Father.  
Cooper shook his head, "My God, the man's been through so much"  
"Yes he has. He's endured unbelievable hardships and yet he continually does the right thing"  
"Like I said before Danny, every man has his breaking point. Now that I know more about that final mission, I think that answers a lot of questions. Why don't you go down and bring him back up here. Are there any questions you have for me?"

Danny asked, "What has he told you so far?"  
"We've talked about Michael's death and of their background. He gave me details about the mission into Iraq and how he blames himself for Jeremy's death"  
"Steve blames himself for anything that goes wrong"  
"Well it's our job to convince him that's not true"  
"I've been trying to do that Doc"  
"I know you've been helping him Danny, but now I'm here to help as well"  
"Thank You…..we'll be back in shortly"  
Danny then left the office and headed down to the beach and to his partner.

**50505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

Danny walked across the sand and sat down next to Steve.

They sat quietly for a few seconds before Steve said softly, "Thanks for coming Danny"  
"Where else would I be? How are you doing?"  
"I really don't know. God Danno, I've never felt like this in my life"  
"Talk to me partner, tell me how you feel?"  
"Danny it's so hard to describe. I'm anxious, I can't concentrate. My mind keeps drifting..."  
Danny interrupted, "Drifting to what Steve?"  
"You know Danny...to the missions, to my guys..." His voice cracked with emotion as he said, "Fuck Danny...why am I alive?"

Danny drew in a deep breath "I don't mean to sound cliché' Steve, but everything in life happens for a reason. Every one of those men undertook the missions knowing the risks...and they accepted those risks, just as you did. Why are you alive, and they aren't? I don't know how to answer that and I'm so sorry that you've lost each and every one of them, but you can't keep punishing yourself. None of their deaths were your fault babe, NONE of them. You did everything humanly possibly to keep your guys safe and you know that right?"

Tears fell as Steve said softly, "Yes...and I would have traded my life for any of them, I loved them all"  
Danny spoke soothingly, "And they loved you Steve. They died and that's horrible, but I can promise you that not one of them would ever have blamed you, and not one of them would want you to punish yourself like you do"

Steve looked into his partners eyes and asked, "Have you been talking to Doctor Cooper?"  
"Why do ask that?"  
"You sound just like him..."  
Danny smiled, "He sounds like a smart guy Steven" Steve smiled as Danny added, "He told me you've talked to him about Michael, but he feels that his death is just the event that..."

As he hesitated, Steve said "That put me over the edge?"  
"Steve, you need help in learning how to cope with everything you've been through and the fact that you're here and you're meeting with Doctor Cooper is a great thing. Doing this shows that you realize you need help and you're taking control back babe. I'm proud of you, I love you and I promise you that you are not alone and you never will be"

"Thank you Danny...I'm so lucky to have you in my life..."  
"I'm the lucky one Steve. I may give you a lot of shit but I hope you know how much I respect you. It's an honor to be your partner but it's even greater to be your friend and I will help you in any way I can"

Steve reached his hand out and Danny grasped it as the SEAL said softly, "I love you too brother"  
Danny asked, "Are you ready to go back in?"  
"Yeah, let's do this"

The men stood and after sharing a warm embrace, they made their way back into the building.

******* A lot of emotions in this chapter, I hope you liked it and I'd love to hear what you think! More to follow soon, and HAPPY READING! *******


	15. Chapter 15

******** WARNING – this chapter contains descriptions of graphic violence and suicide ********

******** THANK YOU all for the amazing reviews! This chapter contains references to Steve's SEAL brothers from my previous stories. You don't have to read my other stories to follow this, but I hope you'll check them out! I greatly appreciate all your comments and I hope you continue to enjoy the story ********

After getting the men coffee, Doctor Cooper sat back at his desk across from them and asked, "Steve, are you doing better?"  
Steve chuckled, "Honestly Doc, I don't know how I'm doing..."  
Danny sat forward in his chair and folded his hands, "Steve, Doctor Cooper and I talked for a bit and Freddy came up"  
Steve nodded, "Okay, what about him?"

Danny replied, "He's read about the mission into North Korea and of Freddy's death. I told him about Anton and Victor Hess and about your Dad's death"  
Steve shook his head, "That's fine...I want everything out there"

Cooper then interjected "Steve, let's start at the beginning. With everything you've been through, your PTSD is not unexpected, in fact from what we've already discussed I'd venture to say you've been suffering for years haven't you?"

Steve moved uncomfortably in his chair and after several moments of silence he said softly, "Yes"  
"When did the nightmares start Steve?"  
Danny watched on as without a moments' hesitation Steve replied calmly, "October 17th, 1999... the day David died"

Doctor Cooper said quietly, "What happened to David?"  
As his partner hesitated Danny encouraged him, "It's okay Steve...tell him"  
After several seconds Steve began, "I was twenty three years old and I was the new guy on the team. David, Bobby and I were captured during a mission into Czechoslovakia to take out a drug lord. We were held captive for eight days and we were tortured...on the fifth day..." Steve stood up and pacing back and forth he continued, "On the fifth day, we were tied up and sitting naked on chairs. Those fucking animals pulled David up and standing in front of me and Bobby... they cut his throat"

Danny and Cooper watched on closely as Steve sighed deeply while folding his arms across his chest and dropping his eyes to the floor, "Blood sprayed from David's throat and covered us...I can still hear those bastards laughing and Bobby's screams..."

Several seconds later Steve said emotionally, "I can see the look of terror on David's face, the fear in his eyes, like it was yesterday... and the sounds, oh God... the gasping and gurgling as he he died in front of us. The nightmare is always the same..." He clasped his hands behind his head and his eyes were closed tightly as he said softly, "I see his eyes...I see his eyes..."

Doctor Cooper then asked, "I see that you saw a psychologist before going back to active-duty Steve, why didn't you continue to see him?"  
"Doc...SEALS take care of each other. Nobody can understand what we've gone through but us...nobody!" Tears were now streaming down Steve's cheeks, "Bobby never got over David's death and a few months later, he put a bullet in his brain..." His voice was now shaking, "I failed Bobby, and after his suicide I started to keep my pain inside. I had to be strong for my guys. They would come to me and I would make sure that they got the help they needed...but I couldn't burden them with my problems. I was never going to lose another brother like I lost Bobby"

Doctor Cooper responded calmly, "Steve, I have never seen Bobby's file, but you didn't fail him and you know that. The military failed both of you"

Steve screamed out angrily, "NO! NO, THE MILITARY DIDN'T FAIL US!"  
Danny jumped up and moved to Steve's side. Grabbing his partner's forearm he said, "Steve, relax babe... Cooper's not the enemy here"

Steve brought both hands to his face and sighed, "I know..." Turning to Cooper he said, "I'm sorry Simon but the military was my life and I'm proud of my service"

Simon Cooper replied "And you should be Steve. Your record of service is amazing and I certainly meant no disrespect"  
Steve shook his head, "I know that...and I understand what you're saying, but SEAL's are different" Danny released his grip on Steve's arm and as he wiped the tears from his cheek he continued, "We're trained to tolerate the pain...both physical and mental...the military didn't fail me, I failed my brothers. God, I feel so weak"

Cooper said, "You're not weak Steve, you're human that's all. There is no weakness in asking for help, in fact it takes great strength to admit that you need help. Why don't we take a break"

"Yes, I could use some fresh air"  
"Okay, take whatever time you need and I'll wait here"  
As Steve and Danny left the office, Cooper re-opened Steve's file.

**5050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

Steve and Danny exited the building and with no words spoken they moved to a table in the courtyard and sat.  
Eventually Steve said, "Danny...I need to explain something I said"  
Danny looked confused, "What are you talking about?"  
"When I said that SEAL's take care of each other and that nobody can understand what we've gone through..." As Danny started to speak, Steve interrupted, "Let me finish Danno. I meant what I said but I need you to know that you've saved me. I told you about the mission into North Korea, but I haven't told you everything"

Steve placed his elbows on the table and buried his face into his hands. Danny sat patiently and eventually Steve said softly, "When I was asked to lead the mission I hand selected Freddy to go in with me..."

"That makes sense. You'd been partners your entire career, you trusted him more than anyone. So are you saying that because you picked him for the mission, you're blaming yourself?"

"No, that's not it Danny..." Tears were welling in Steve's eyes and his voice cracked, "I failed Bobby, I failed Chad and Jack...I failed Jeremy and Michael...and I failed Freddy"

Danny wiped a tear from his cheek and reaching out he squeezed Steve's arm, "Steve, you didn't fail any of them"  
"I left him in North Korea Danny...I left him there..."  
"You told me he died providing cover for you as escaped with Hess?"  
"Yeah, he did...but I left him Danny. I fucking left him"  
"What choice did you have Steve? He was mortally wounded and he knew it. He told you to leave, to finish the mission. He told you to not let his death be for nothing, and it wasn't. The Hess brothers were dangerous arms dealers and because of you and Freddy, Anton was captured and now they're both dead. You didn't fail him Steve"

"I have to bring him home Danny. I can't forgive myself until I get Freddy home"  
Danny again squeezed Steve's arm, "Okay, when this is all over and we're back in Hawaii we'll talk to Governor Denning and see what he can do to help us. Steve, look at me babe" As Steve lifted his head and their eyes met the Jersey Detective added, "I told you, you're not alone and we'll do everything possible to bring Freddy home and we'll do it together"

"Thank you Danno...thank you"  
"You're welcome. Are you ready to go back in?"  
"Yeah"  
Minutes later the two men re-entered Doctor Cooper's office.

**5050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

The next couple of hours went well as Steve opened up about several missions...and losses.  
With encouragement from Danny he talked openly about his beloved brothers and also about the devastating losses of his Mother and Father. It was a little before one o'clock when Cooper suggested that they break for lunch and meet up again at three.

Steve's voice was steady as he stated, "Doc, can we call it quits for the day?"  
Without hesitation Cooper replied, "Of course, we're on your schedule Steve but before you go for the day I'd like to talk to you about a drug regimen"

"I thought we agreed to discuss this later Simon?"  
"It is 'later' Steve"  
Steve shook his head adamantly, "No...no drugs"  
Danny stated calmly, "Steve, you said the drugs he gave you helped you sleep"  
"Okay...I'll keep taking the drugs at night. But that's it...nothing during the day"  
Cooper glanced at Danny who nodded to him. Cooper then said, "Alright Steve"  
"I'd like to leave here and spend some time with my team tonight Doc. When are you available tomorrow?"  
"Not until early afternoon, is two o'clock okay?"  
Steve nodded, "That would be great Doc, thank you"  
"I think we made some good progress today Steve"  
"I think so too"  
Standing up from his desk Cooper said, "Give me a minute and I'll go get you the meds for tonight"  
"Thanks"

After he left the room Danny asked, "How you doing buddy?"  
"I don't want to be alone Danny"  
"Then you won't be partner"

******** This was a bit of a shorter chapter but I wanted to get one up today, hope you liked it and there's more to follow! *********


	16. Chapter 16

The men arrived back at the Hotel to find Chin and Kono both busily tapping away on their laptops.  
Kono set her computer onto the bed and raced to Steve, throwing her arms around him and as he returned her embrace she asked, "How are you boss?"  
He replied softly, "I'm good sweetheart"  
As they parted Chin asked, "Steve, what are you doing here?"  
"They sprung me for the night"  
The cousins both smiled as Kono added, "Well, it's good to see you"

Steve smiled "It's good to see you both too"  
Danny then asked, "What are you guys working on?"  
Chin replied, "We're looking into a couple of cold cases. And I talked to Chief Lucas a couple of hours ago and Lincoln's still not talking"  
Steve nodded, "It's still early. Did they find anything at his house to link him to Wendy?"  
"Not yet. He's not a stupid man Steve"  
"He's a married cop with four kids and he killed his mistress…..I'd say he's very stupid Chin"  
The Asian detective grinned, "Yeah, I guess so"  
Steve then asked, "I'm starving, are you guys hungry? Dinner's on me"  
Danny chimed up, "I am!" To which Kono replied, "You're always hungry Danny"  
Danny laughed, "Especially when Superman's buying!"  
Steve said, "There's a fantastic family-style Italian Restaurant that Joe and I would go to a lot, how does that sound?"  
Before anyone else could respond, Danny called out "OH YEAH BABY! I'm definitely up for a great Italian meal, let's go!"  
Chin laughed, "Sounds great Steve"

They were soon sitting around a table at Anna & Angelo's feasting on spaghetti with home-made Italian meatballs, chicken alfredo, eggplant parmesan and fresh-baked garlic bread. Danny, Chin and Kono followed Steve's lead and the topic of conversation was light and filled with laughter. Steve told stories of his training time in San Diego and of his jaunts across the border into Tijuana, Mexico with his buddies.

"The rules were that if we crossed the border we had to be back on base by nine o'clock"  
Chin replied, "Nine o'clock! Joe gave you a tighter curfew than even your parents would!"  
Steve laughed, "In his defense he had to be tough. Cops across the border would look for young sailors who had too much to drink and they would arrest them"

Kono asked, "For what? Being drunk?"  
"They didn't need a reason Kono. They would arrest us and then bribe us"  
She asked inquisitively "What do you mean?"  
"If we paid them two hundred dollars, they would let us go. Otherwise, they would throw us into jail and believe me, the punishment from Joe once he got us back to the base would be much worse than anything the Mexican cops would do to us, so we'd pay up!"

Danny grinned slyly, "So are you trying to tell us that you never broke that curfew and experienced the wrath of Commander White?"  
"Well…..."  
They all laughed as Kono said, "OHHH Boss…you rebel!"  
Chin then stated, "Come on Steve, spill it"  
"It was all Freddy's fault. There's no way I wanted to do this you know"  
Through his laughter, Danny said "Yeah sure…we know. Come on now, tell us all about it"

Steve then recanted the story to his friends, "Joe gave us a weekend off about two months into our training, and Freddy, Chris and I couldn't pass up an afternoon of drinking in Tijuana. We were all twenty one years old and we hadn't had a beer since training began and we really let loose. At about eight o'clock I suggested that we start heading back but Freddy would have none of that and we ended up drinking until almost ten o'clock. Then we snuck back across the border and we thought we were in the clear until we entered the barracks to find Joe sitting on Freddy's bunk waiting for us…..and he was not happy"

Danny prodded him, "Don't stop now, come on…"  
"You're loving this, aren't you Daniel?"  
"Damn right I am. So what happened?"  
"We were all smashed and he took us out to the yard and made us perform calisthenics for almost an hour. Finally, Freddy got so sick that he was curled up in the yard, laying in his own vomit"

Kono turned up her nose, "Steve, I'm still eating here!"  
"You guys wanted to hear it!"  
Danny laughed, "Is that it?"  
"Oh no….so Joe had us take Freddy to the showers to clean him up and we get into bed at about two in the morning. At four o'clock, Joe is in the barracks waking everyone and instead of getting to sleep in on Sunday morning, we're all instructed to be out in the yard in fifteen minutes. After another hour of calisthenics we're told to prep for an all day hike"

Danny was grinning from ear to ear as he said, "So I bet the rest of the guys just loved you three, huh?"  
"Oh yeah, but that's not even the worst of it"  
Chin smiled, "What could be worse?"

"Freddy and I had bought Sombreros and hand-woven blankets in Tijuana and Joe made us wear the hats on the hike and march with the blankets draped over our shoulders in the hundred degree heat" As his friends laughed, Steve added "And Chris…..oh poor Chris. He didn't buy a Sombrero and blanket, he had bought his fiancé a gorgeous, lacy and frilly flower-patterned dress…."

Tears of laughter were now rolling down all their faces as Danny asked, "Oh no, Joe didn't?"  
"Oh yes partner, Joe did! I can still picture Chris in that skin-tight dress and his hiking boots … oh God, those hairy legs were really something!"

They laughed and shared stories for hours before heading back to the Hotel for the night and once back in the room Steve got serious.  
"Danny, do you mind sleeping on the couch in Chin and Kono's room tonight?"  
"Why would I do that?"  
"Are you serious Danny? Have you looked in the mirror lately?"  
"You're taking the meds, you should be okay"  
"I've taken them for one night partner. I'm not ready to say my nightmares are under control, and I'm certainly not willing to take the chance of hurting you again"

"You said you didn't want to be alone"  
"And I'm not. Trust me, you'll hear me if I…..." Steve hesitated, "You'll hear me"  
"Are you sure?"  
Smiling at his friends he said, "Yes I'm positive Danny. It's been a great night guys but I'm exhausted and I need to crash"  
Danny sighed, "Okay but you holler if you need me"  
"Danny, I hope to God that I won't be hollering tonight"  
"Me too buddy"  
Danny then grabbed his bag and after the three moved into the adjoining room, Steve moved to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

**50505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

A short time later as Steve laid in bed, he pulled the covers over his chest and stared up at the ceiling. He was exhausted and he placed his forearm across his eyes as he closed them. It had felt so good to share the evening with his 'Ohana' and to laugh again but now as he lay in the darkened room his mind drifted again to Freddy. He had to bring him back to U.S. soil. No matter what he had to do to get it done, he would do it...he had to do it.

It didn't take long for him to drift off as the Prazosin entered his system and he was sleeping soundly when an hour later Danny opened the door separating the rooms.  
Leaving the door ajar, he moved back to the couch and as he lay down Kono asked quietly, "Is he sleeping?"  
"Like a baby"  
"That's good. Good night Danny, sleep tight"  
"You too sweetheart"

It was a little after three in the morning when Steve's screams woke the trio and the all raced into his room.  
"NO JACK! OH MY GOD NO!"  
Danny neared the bed and as Kono flicked on the light Chin cried out, "DANNY WAIT!"  
Danny stopped dead in his tracks at the foot of the bed and once Chin reached his side they moved to opposite sides of the bed as Chin called out, "HOLD HIS LEGS DANNY!"

Steve was sobbing as he continued to cry out for Jack and as Chin touched his shoulders he bolted upright screaming "JACK...JACK NO!"

The three worked in unison, grabbing Steve and wrestling him onto his back. Damn, he was strong!  
He had kicked the covers off the bed and was wearing boxers and a t-shirt, which were both drenched in sweat.  
It took the strength of all three of them to control Steve as he flailed against the demons that had invaded his dreams.  
As he continued to cry out in despair for Jack, Chin and Danny screamed out his name over and over as they attempted to pull him back to consciousness.  
"STEVE, STEVE SNAP OUT OF IT BUDDY! WAKE UP!"

It took several moments, but eventually his eyes bolted open and gasping for air he said emotionally, "Oh shit…..Jack…."  
Danny placed a hand under his chin saying, "Steve, hey look at me…it's okay. You had a nightmare, it's okay now"  
As Steve cried out softly, "No Danno….it's not okay" Kono turned from the bed, and sobbing she left the room.  
Danny had seen this several times, he had seen this tortured look in Steve's eyes before but Kono and Chin had never witnessed this and it was devastating to see their friend and leader, in such despair.

Steve spoke shakily, "Are you guys okay? Did I hurt you?"  
Danny shook his head, "No, we're fine"  
"Danny…..oh God I can't do this anymore"  
Squeezing Steve's shoulder, Danny said "Come on now, relax"  
Steve sat up, flinging his legs over the edge of bed and Danny looked to Chin, "I've got him brother, why don't you go check on Kono"

Steve looked up, "Check on her? Is she okay?"  
Danny replied, "She's not hurt Steve, she's just upset"  
Chin nodded, "I've got her brah, don't worry"  
Danny said "Thanks Chin" As he left the room, Danny pulled a chair up next to the bed and he sat, watching his partner carefully. His body was shaking and he sat with his head bowed and eyes closed, wringing his hands in his lap nervously. His hair was soaked and sweat dripped from his brow. After several moments his breathing began to settle and Danny asked, "Are you okay?"

Looking at Danny, Steve said "Shit Danny, your arm's bleeding"  
"It's no big deal, I just popped a couple of stitches. Talk to me Steve"  
"Danny I've always been able to handle this….what's wrong with me?"  
"Buddy you're going to get through this and I'm going to be with you every step of the way but I need you to trust me"  
"Of course I trust you, what are you talking about?"  
"I need you to do what the Doctor is asking and start taking the drugs"  
"Danny…."  
"Buddy please…" Steve looked at his friend and Danny's voice cracked with emotion as he added, "Cooper's a good man Steve and you need to let him help you. I'm worried partner….I can't lose you"

As tears slipped from the corner of his eyes, Steve said softly "Okay Danny"

******** More to follow and as always, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts! THANK YOU! *********


	17. Chapter 17

****** Sorry about the delay in posting but I had a very busy week at work - I hope you enjoy! ******

Steve went to take a shower and Danny moved into the other room.  
He walked over to Kono and they embraced as he asked, "Are you okay?"  
"Yes, I'm sorry Danny"  
"Don't be silly, you have nothing to be sorry about. Seeing him go through this is hard on all of us"  
"Are the nightmares always like this?"  
"They're always bad, but he tells me they've been more vivid and intense since Michael's suicide. He feels like he's lost control and he's struggling. Doctor Cooper is getting him to open up and he just finally agreed with me to start the drug regimen that Cooper wants him on"

She sighed as she stated, "That's good I guess"  
Danny replied, "I think so. The way Cooper explained it, the drugs they use will help with his anxiety and help stabilize his emotions"  
They heard the water shut off and seconds later they were alarmed to hear a horrible thud coming from bathroom.  
They raced into the adjoining room and Danny opened the door to find Steve on ground, pushing himself up. Grabbing a towel from the nearby rack and covering his partners waist, he knelt at his side as Chin joined him and Kono retreated back into the room.

Placing a hand on his shoulder Danny asked, "Hey, what happened? Are you okay?"  
Steve shook his head groggily, "Yeah…..I just got dizzy that's all"  
"You sure? You don't look too good buddy"  
"Yeah, I'm fine, but I'm cold"  
"Well you're naked and wet. Let me get you back into bed okay?"  
"Uh huh"  
As the men helped Steve to his feet, the towel dropped to the tile floor, exposing him and he staggered forward as he reached for the towel, "Shit"  
As Danny tightened his grip on Steve's arm steadying him, he said "Hey, let be"  
"I'm naked Danny"  
"Yes Steve I see that, but just let us get you back into bed"  
He said nervously, "Kono….." to which Danny replied, "Don't worry, she's in the other room and since when did you become so modest anyway?"  
Chin grinned and moving ahead of them, he shooed Kono into the other room and then picking up the quilt and blankets from the floor, he prepared the bed as Danny helped Steve saunter slowly across the carpeted floor.

Steve was breathing heavily and once he was back in bed Danny placed a hand on his chest. Then as he pulled the covers up over his body he asked, "How do you feel?"  
Steve's eyes were closed as he spoke softly, "I'm good…."  
Shaking his head Danny said "Your heart's racing buddy, try to relax. Do you need some water?"  
"Yeah, please"  
Chin spoke up, "I've got it Danny" After peeking his head into the other room and motioning for Kono that it was safe to re-join them he grabbed a bottle of water from the small refrigerator and moved back to the bed.

Steve pushed himself up onto his elbow and took a drink and then handing the water back to Danny he said, "Thanks guys"  
Kono sat on the edge of the bed and she reached out and took hold of his hand, "Are you okay?"  
"Yes…..I don't know what happened, but I'm fine now"  
Chin looked up from his laptop, "Side effects of Prazosin are dizziness, light-headedness and heart palpitations"  
Danny grinned, "That's good to know Chin but I'll call Doc Cooper just in case"  
"Let the man sleep Danny, I'm fine really"  
"Okay, you just relax and try to sleep then. We're all here"  
"Yes Doctor Danno"  
Chin flicked on the television and soon Steve was sleeping, under the watchful eyes of his entire team.

**505050505050505050505050505050505050**

He slept until almost eleven and when he woke, Danny was alone with him in the room.  
Danny said, "You slept soundly, how do you feel now?"  
"A lot better, thanks"  
"I talked to Doctor Cooper and he said that the dizziness and palpitations you experienced are normal"  
Shaking his head Steve said, "Okay, that's good. Where are Chin and Kono?"  
"Chief Lucas called about an hour ago. Wendy Turner's body was found by some surfers on a beach early this morning and they're testing it for DNA"

"Damn it, she was a good woman Danny"  
"I know, but we may have caught a break Steve. Here body was wedged in a bed of rocks and decomp is not bad. They have underwater forensics experts handling the body and hopefully they'll be able to pull some evidence from her. According to Lucas the body was only damaged minimally by fish and the the elements"

"Danny...can we make a stop before heading back to Coronado?"  
"Sure. Where do you need to go?"  
"Fort Rosecrans Cemetery. I need to visit Michael"  
"Okay, sure. We should probably get going then, it's after eleven"  
"Danny...about last night...I'm sorry"  
"What did I tell you about saying that huh? You don't have anything to be sorry about Steve, do you hear me?"  
Steve grinned softly, "I hear you partner...I hear you loud and clear"

Danny drove their rental car to the Military Cemetery and after receiving Michael's location they walked along the pathways of the well-manicured grounds. The men didn't speak and tears welled in Danny's eyes as he scanned the headstones signifying the final resting spots of thousands of American Heroes. When they reached Michael's grave site Danny stepped to the side as Steve knelt at his brothers grave. He watched on as Steve traced his fingers across the name etched into the marble headstone,  
_Michael Thomas Turner_  
_11-11-74 - 1-13-14_  
_Beloved Husband, Son, and Brother to many_  
Steve spoke softly, his voice shaking with raw emotion, "Mikey….why brother? Why did you do it?" He paused for several moments and then said, "They found Wendy this morning buddy. My team is working with the police to find out who did this…..it wasn't you, I know you didn't do it. You could never harm her and everyone who knew you knows that. I'm going to clear your name buddy, I promise you that" Danny heard Steve's voice catch in his throat as emotions overwhelmed him, "I love you man and I'm so sorry I failed you…..I'm so sorry"

Danny stood by patiently, giving Steve time and when his phone rang it startled him.  
"Chin…..how's it going?"  
Hearing Danny, Steve moved to his side listening intently.  
After several minutes and responses of 'okay's and uh huh's' Danny stated "Great job Chin, I'll call you later….thanks brother" Hanging up his looked at Steve and smiled, "They've got him buddy"

"Is it Lincoln?"  
"Yes and they've got his DNA. She died of strangulation but she scratched him and they found his skin under her nails"  
Steve smiled, "That a girl" He then turned back to face Michael's grave saying, "We've got him Mikey"

Steve then put his arm around Danny's shoulders and together the men walked back to the car.

**505050505050505050505050505050505050**

When they arrived at Doctor Cooper's office he brought in a physician to check Steve over and thankfully he was given a clean bill of health. The Doctor confirmed what Cooper had told Danny about the side effects Steve had suffered and they were both greatly relieved to hear that not only were these common, but also that they typically only occurred with the first few doses of Prazosin as the body adapted to it.

Both Doctor's then discussed keeping Steve on the Prazosin to help him sleep and starting him on Paxil in the morning to help with his anxiety and depression.

Steve stood and paced as he asked nervously, "What kind of side effects can I expect from the Paxil?"  
Doctor George Houston spoke, "There's a long list of mild side effects including, dry mouth, dizziness, drowsiness, sweating, nausea, pain with urination, diarrhea, loss of appetite, difficulty swallowing, blurred vision, numbness and tingling in your extremities, ringing in your ears..."

Steve shook his head and interrupted him, "And these are the miid side effects Doc? This shit sounds just great!"  
Danny chimed in, "Come on Steve"  
"That's why I hate drugs Danno"  
"And you won't have to take them for long but you need them now, and you know that"  
Steve ran a hand across his face and said, "Yeah...go ahead Doc"  
"I'll give you a list of everything to watch for"  
Steve chuckled, "You mean there's more?"  
"Steve...knock it off, this is serious and I for one want to hear what the Doctor has to say" Danny turned to Doctor Houston, "I'm sorry about him Doc, can you please tell ME what to watch for?"

"Paxil is a wonderful drug that can help you greatly Steve. It can help you think clearly"  
Steve grinned, "Don't bullshit with me Doc. No drug helps you think clearly"  
Simon Cooper then spoke, "Steve, you trust me don't you?"  
"Yes, I trust you...if I didn't trust you I wouldn't be here"  
"You are the best at what you do Steve, and we're pretty damn good at what we do so please let us help you"  
Danny looked at him and said simply, "Steve...it's going to be alright"  
Steve cupped his hands behind his head and sighing deeply he said, "Okay...okay"

Doctor Houston then told the men of the more serious side effects of Paxil including feeling restless, experiencing muscle pain and weakness, involuntary twitching, joint pain, chest pains with rapid heart rate, high blood pressure, intestinal inflammation, anemia or seizures.

Doctor Cooper then said, "Steve, we'll be monitoring you carefully while you're here and while very few patients experience these serious side effects, ninety percent endure nightmares like you do. It's very important that you be comfortable with this treatment Steve. We attach probes to your head and chest to monitor you while you sleep and we observe you through cameras. We do have family-style rooms available and if you would like Danny to stay with you, that can be arranged"

Steve replied quickly, "I'd like Danny to stay Doc but I've had outbursts of violence during these nightmares and I'm afraid I'll hurt him again"

Before Danny could reply, Doctor Cooper added, "Steve, the nightmares and your reactions to them are normal but I can promise you that we can handle anything that happens. As I said, we monitor the rooms and with the sensors attached to your body we'll be able to wake you before you're too deep into the nightmare"

Danny then said calmly, "Steve, it's all good buddy"  
Steve nodded and looking at the Doctor's he said softly, "Thank You"  
After Doctor Houston left the three men sat down and Cooper asked, "Can you tell me about your nightmare last night Steve?"

Steve shuffled in his chair and said, "Jack..."

******** I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'd love to hear what you think ! ********


	18. Chapter 18

******** This chapter contains references to a SEAL brother of Steve's from a previous story of mine, 'Your Family Is My Family' - You don't have to read that story first to follow along; I hope you enjoy ********

******** WARNING - This chapter contains depictions of violence, psychological torture and death (NOT Core 4) ********

Steve shuffled in his chair and said, "Jack..."  
Danny watched his partner carefully. He knew how much this loss had affected Steve...how he blamed himself for Jack's death probably more than any other loss he had suffered.

Steve talked softly about the young man whose first mission was also his last...his one and only. He and Jack Lynch had been captured in South Africa during a mission to assassinate a dangerous drug lord. Two other SEAL brothers, Carlos and Joel had been killed during the assault on the cartel and before the rest of the team could rescue them, the men had been forced at gunpoint to participate in a horrifying game of Russian-roulette. Steve would forever be haunted by the fact that he told Jack to pull the trigger...He would never forget the fear in the young SEAL's eyes as he tried to convince him that his only chance of survival was to hold a pistol to his temple and pull the fucking trigger. He knew his men were coming and all he could do was pray that they would get there in time, but they didn't...

Steve had placed the cold barrel of the weapon to his head first, and looking his captors straight in the eyes he had pulled the trigger. As the gun clicked loudly Jack had let out a sigh of relief and as the gun was taken from Steve and placed into his hand it shook uncontrollably. Through his tears Steve re-lived that horrific moment, "He's dead because of me..."

Danny wanted so badly to talk, to once again try to get through Steve's thick head...but he held back, hoping that if hearing from Doctor Cooper that he wasn't to blame, Steve could finally begin to forgive himself for this tragedy.

Doctor Cooper said calmly, "How many cartel members were holding you captive Steve?"  
Steve's eyes were closed tightly as he replied, "Several. There were at least half a dozen men in the tent"  
"And they were all armed?"  
"Yes...they all had automatic weapons trained on us"  
"And if you hadn't done as you were told what would have happened?"  
"They would have killed us...the Russian-roulette was just was a fucking game to them. They were laughing at us and I kept telling Jack that we couldn't let those bastards win, that at least this way we...we had a chance to live"

Steve paused and sitting forward he placed his elbows onto his knees and buried his face into his hands. After several moments of silence, Danny stood and moving behind Steve he placed his hands onto his partners shoulders, rubbing them "It's okay Steve...relax"

Eventually Steve spoke softly, comforted by the touch of his partners hands "Jack was so scared, but he did it...when the gun didn't fire...God, I'd never felt more relief. I was ready to die, I had been a SEAL for years and with each mission you realize that eventually the odds will catch up with you and your number will come up. Jack though...shit this was his first mission"

As Steve drew in a deep breath Danny leaned close to him, "It's okay partner, get it all out"  
Shaking his head Steve said, "You've heard it all before Danno"  
"But the Doc hasn't...I know this hurts babe, but you need to talk about it...all of it"  
After several seconds Steve said steadily, "When they handed me the gun back and I put it up against head...I prayed that it would go off because if it did Jack would have a better chance of surviving"

Cooper asked, "Why do you say that Steve?"  
"I knew my men were coming and if I had been killed, there would have been a few minutes of delay before they turned their attentions back to Jack" Tears slid down Steve's cheeks as he continued, "But it didn't go off. I was right Doc...my team got there...but they were seconds late. As Jack put the gun up against his head I saw a shadow outside the tent behind him. I lunged towards Jack but I was too late. We fell to the ground as my team stormed the tent and took out our captors. I held Jack in my arms and he stared up at me with his lifeless eyes...but it was the terror in them that I can never forget. I see those eyes all the time Doc...I killed him, and he knew it"

Cooper spoke calmly, "So you think that Jack blamed you Steve?"  
"I didn't say that Doc"  
"Well what are you saying?"  
"He did what I told him to do"  
"You did what you had to do to try and stay alive...and to keep Jack alive. He was a smart kid right?"  
Steve nodded, "Yeah, he was very smart"  
"And you don't think he knew the seriousness of the situation you were in?"  
"Of course he knew the situation was serious...but it was his first mission...he trusted me and he ended up dead"

"What could you have done differently Steve? What could you have done that would not have not resulted in both of you being killed?"

Steve sighed deeply before saying, "I don't know Doc...I've thought about that hundreds of times over the years and I just don't know"

"Steve, you do know. You just need to be able to accept the answer. There was nothing you could have done differently...absolutely nothing. The fact that your men arrived seconds too late is devastating and it's easy to understand why this is so painful for you, but Steve there is nothing you could have done differently"

Steve then asked, "I need some time to think Doc"  
"Of course. Why don't we stop for the day and plan on meeting again at nine o'clock tomorrow morning"  
Steve nodded, "Fine Doc...thank you"  
Cooper stood as the men prepared to leave adding, "Let's see what room they've set you up in"

**50505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**

A short time later Steve and Danny were sitting quietly on the balcony of their room which overlooked the Ocean.  
Eventually Steve said, "Thanks for being here Danny and for staying"  
"Of course. Steve, the Doc was right you know. You have to be able to accept what happened... it wasn't your fault"  
"I know it's not Danny but damn...it's so hard"  
Danny nodded, "I need to call Gracie. Are you up to talking to her?"  
Steve smiled, "I'd love to talk to her"  
He dialed and soon his little girl's voice was gleefully calling out, "HI DANNO!"  
"Hi Monkey, how are you?"  
"I'm okay but I miss you. Are you still in California?"  
"Yes and I might be here for a while honey. I miss you too. How's school been this week?"  
"Really good Daddy. We started to read 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' and it's a really good book"  
"That's one of my favorite stories Gracie. How did your math test go?"  
"I got only one answer wrong"  
"_Almost _perfect!"  
"I'll get them ALL right next time Danno"  
"You just do the best you can sweetheart, I'm proud of you. Uncle Steve is here and he wants to talk to you"  
"Okay"

Steve grinned as he took the phone, "Hey Gracie"  
"Hi Uncle Steve, are you felling better?"  
"I am baby and do you know why?"  
"No...why?"  
"Because of you and your Daddy, and Uncle Chin and Auntie Kono. You all make me so very happy and I love you honey"

"I love you too Uncle Steve"  
"Gracie, thank you so much for the letter you wrote me. I've been reading it over and over again and it makes me smile every time I read it. I can't wait to see you and to hug you, your Danno is not the only one who misses you"

"When you come back can we go to the zoo?"  
"The zoo? Yeah, we can go to the zoo...I can't wait!"  
"I can't wait either!"  
"It might be awhile Gracie so you need to be patient okay"  
"I will be"  
"I'll talk to you soon okay? Here's your Danno, bye"  
"Bye Uncle Steve"

After handing the phone back to Danny, Steve stood and moved to the rail of the balcony and looking out at the water tears welled in his eyes as he listened to Danny talk to his baby girl.

After hanging up the phone Danny moved to Steve's side and the SEAL said, "It was great to talk to her, thank you"  
Danny smiled, "She loves you so much buddy"  
"Danny...I told you before that you saved me and I meant it. After Freddy died and then Hess killed my Dad, I was totally broken. Meeting you, Gracie, Kono and Chin at that low point in my life gave me a reason to go on and I will always be forever grateful to you...but I can't do this anymore Danny...I'm sorry but I can't..."

"What are you talking about Steve?"  
"You once called me a 'danger magnet'..."  
Danny interrupted, "Hey, come on babe you know I don't mean shit, I'm just messing with you"  
"But it's true Danny, my God everyone I love dies. I can't risk that with you, and Gracie"

Danny reached out and squeezed Steve's forearm, "I need you to listen to me because I meant what I said to you too. I'm honored to be your partner and your friend. I'm here and Chin and Kono are here because we choose to be and because we love you. You're not thinking clearly right now babe ... but please don't forget that you're not alone. Steve...Gracie's not the only one who needs to be patient here"

Steve interrupted, "So you're saying I'm too messed up for a quick fix, huh?"  
Danny smiled, "Well my friend...I know you're the first to admit that you do have some baggage"  
Steve patted Danny's hand and smiling back he said, "Ain't that the truth brother"  
Danny then asked, "Are you hungry?"  
"Actually, yeah I am...they make a great meatloaf but the potatoes aren't very good"  
"What's wrong with them?"  
"They're lumpy"  
"Lumpy potatoes are the best babe!"  
"You're weird you know that Danno?"  
"And you love me anyway"  
Steve smiled, "You bet I do partner"

******** More to follow - I hope you're still enjoying! ********


	19. Chapter 19

"**There is a sacredness in tears.  
They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.  
They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.  
They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love"**

**505050505050505050505050505050505050**

After a dinner of meatloaf and lumpy mashed potatoes the men moved back to the room and dialed Chin and Kono.  
"Chin, hey we've got you on speaker, do you have anything new?"  
"Yes Danny we've got good news, it's over"  
Steve asked, "Lincoln confessed?"  
"Yes, after he was confronted with the DNA evidence he signed a full confession. He told us that when Wendy called Michael to the house that night Jonah was there. He was a few feet away in the hallway listening and when Michael hit Wendy he came up behind Mike and struck him on the back of the head"

Steve said softly, "Mike thought he'd had a black out. After our mission into Iraq he suffered from PTSD and black outs were common for him. But he hadn't had one in in years..."

"And he didn't have one Steve. Jonah knocked him out and then laid him onto the couch. He then strangled Wendy and took her body from the house"

Steve asked, "Did he say why he killed her?"  
"He wanted to save his marriage but he knew if Katie found out about the affair she would leave him. He said that Wendy had agreed with him to end their affair but when Mike arrived, she began arguing with him and continued to insist that she wanted a divorce. In her anger she blurted out his identity to Michael and that infuriated Jonah, so when the couple were arguing he impulsively made the decision that he had to kill her"

Steve's eyes were closed as he said solemnly, "I've seen men kill for much less... shit guys, it's just one more senseless death..."

As Steve stood from the bed and moved out onto the balcony, Danny picked up the phone removing it from speaker, "Hey Chin"  
"Is he alright Danny?"  
"He will be, he's talking to the Doc..."  
"Good"  
"They set us up in a family room so I can stay with him, would you mind running my bags over?"  
"Sure, no problem. I can be there in about half an hour"  
"Just call me when you get to the front gate and we'll come out"  
"Okay brah, see you in a bit"

**505050505050505050505050505050505050**

Danny then moved outside to join Steve who was standing and leaning against the iron railing.  
"Are you okay?"  
"Lincoln killed Wendy for no reason Danny"  
"He had a reason Steve, it's not a good one though and he'll pay for it. You believed in Michael and you've cleared his name buddy"

"Does it matter Danny? Really, does it matter? He's still dead...oh God Danny...why?" He bowed his head as he was overcome with grief Danny stepped close and as he placed his arm on Steve's, the SEAL broke down.

Pulling Steve towards him, Danny said softly "Come here partner...it's okay"  
Steve buried his face into Danny's shoulder and he sobbed. All Steve needed at this moment was his friend's presence and sensing that, Danny simply held him.

After several moments Steve pulled back and wiping his eyes he drew in a deep breath, "I loved him Danny...why did he quit?"  
Danny sighed, "I can't answer that Steve...I mean, he loved his wife and she was leaving him. Then he strikes her and any hope of salvaging his marriage ends when she disappears and he's suspected of killing her. His life was falling apart babe..."

As tears continued to dampen his cheeks Steve said softly, "Why didn't he give me a chance to help him...fuck Danny, why?"  
"Steve, I don't know. He was distraught and depressed and he felt he had nothing to live for..."  
"I failed him"  
"No, no you didn't fail him. Wendy failed him...she cheated on him, she broke his heart and her actions caused all of this. You can't blame yourself for any of this Steven. They were married and he loved her...and he loved you too Steve. He knew you blamed yourself for what happened in Iraq. He knew you blamed yourself for Jeremy's death and for him being injured and he wanted to clear your conscious"

"By killing himself Danny? That's supposed to clear my conscious?"  
"Partner, he wasn't himself...like I said he was distraught and depressed. He thought he had killed his wife, and he LOVED her. Do you remember Michael's words that day Steve? I do... you asked him to let you help him...you told him you wanted to clear his name"

"And instead he put a bullet in his brain"  
Danny sighed, "He also said it was too late to help him...that no one could help him, not even you. Steve...he came to Hawaii knowing that he was going to kill himself but don't you see? In his frame of mind he saw no other way out for himself but he wasn't trying to hurt you. He loved you and his last act on this earth was to try to bring peace to you..." Danny's voice shook as he asked, "God Steve, can't you see that?"

Placing his elbows on the railing, Steve cupped his hands behind the back of his head and looked downward. With no additional words, Danny placed a strong hand onto his partners back and he rubbed it soothingly. They stood quietly for several minutes until Danny's phone rang.

"Chin? Okay, I'll be right out"  
Without lifting his head Steve asked, "What's up?"  
"Chin and Kono are at the gate, they're dropping off my bags. Do you want to come out with me?"  
"No...I could use a few minutes alone...tell them I'm sorry"  
"Hey stop, they'll understand" After a final squeeze of Steve's shoulder he turned to walk away adding, "I'll be back in a few minutes"

As he re-entered the room Steve called out to him, "Danno...thank you"  
A weak grin crossed the Jersey detective's face as he replied, "I'll be right back babe"

A few moments later the three friends where standing just outside the gate.  
Kono asked softly, "Where's Steve?"  
"He's a bit emotional right now and he wanted a few minutes alone"  
The concern in Chin's voice was evident as he asked, "Is he okay Danny?"  
Danny crammed his hands into his pant's pockets and scrunched his shoulders as he replied, "He's having a hard time guys but hopefully once he starts the meds tomorrow they'll help stabilize his emotions"

Kono then asked, "You said he's talking though?"  
Danny nodded, "He's opening up and that's good but it brings everything to the forefront and it's hard on him to re-live all that..."

Chin stated solemnly, "But he has to Danny...in order to move on he has to"  
"I know...I need you to do me a favor"  
"Anything brah"  
"I need you to contact Joe White for me and let him know what's going on"  
Chin inquired "Did Steve ask for you to call him?"  
"No...we haven't talked about it"  
"Are you sure that's the right thing to do?"  
"Do you think it isn't Chin?"  
"I just think he would have called Joe if he wanted him to know"  
Danny sighed, "Maybe you're right...okay, hold off on that for now"  
Kono then asked, "Is there anything else we can do Danny? We feel so helpless"  
Danny chuckled softly, "God do I know THAT feeling …...Right now, it's just day to day, or better yet hour to hour...hopefully he'll get a good night's sleep and the drugs will help him"

Chin then asked, "You'll call us?"  
"You know I will brother"  
The men embraced and then as Danny and Kono hugged, she whispered "Take care of him Danny. Tell him we love him"  
"He knows that Kono, but he can't hear it enough right now...I'll tell him"

Danny then took his bag and walked back through the gates of the military facility.

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Within the hour Steve had been fitted with probes on his head and chest to monitor his brain activity and after taking his medication they laid on their beds watching a baseball game. They didn't speak and it didn't take long for Steve to slip under as Danny kept a watchful eye over him.

Danny eventually fell asleep as well only to wake at about two thirty in the morning to four medics entering the room. Jumping up from his bed he followed their instructions to stay back. The blankets still covered Steve but he had pulled himself up into a fetal position and he was shaking. He was mumbling quietly and sweating profusely as he was obviously in the throes of another nightmare. Danny watched on as in unison the four men grabbed hold of him and turned him onto his back. As they did, Steve let out a bloodcurdling scream and Danny was at his side in seconds. He took Steve's face into his hands and spoke firmly, "STEVE, STEVE WAKE UP BROTHER. I NEED YOU TO WAKE UP FOR ME"

Once again Danny was amazed at the strength of his partner as the nightmare invaded him and he struggled against the four men...fighting his 'captors' with every once of his strength. His back arched up off the bed and Danny soon knew the source of the terror as Steve screamed repeatedly for the bastards to keep their hands off Jack.

Leaning his forehead up against his partners, Danny lowered his voice "Steve, babe it's Danny...wake up"  
He continued to talk softly for several minutes and eventually Steve's tension eased and he lowered his back onto the mattress.

"Danno...oh shit"  
Danny called out the the others, "It's over guys, he's back...he's back...let him go"  
As the men stepped aside Danny sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Steve's head onto his lap.  
He looked each of the medics in their eyes and said "Thank you. I've got him now, thank you"  
As the men left the room Danny pulled the covers up over Steve and no words were spoken or even needed for that matter. All Steve needed at this moment was the love and support of his best friend, and he would get it.

******* More to follow - and as always, I thank you for reading and reviewing and I promise you more this weekend *******


	20. Chapter 20

**This chapter again makes reference to Steve's SEAL brothers Chris and Chad from my previous stories, 'Brothers In Arms' and 'Your Family Is My Family' - if you haven't read them yet, you might enjoy them...**

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******** 'Suppressed grief suffocates, it rages within the chest and it's strength multiples' ********

Once Steve calmed down, he sat up and spoke softly, "God Danny...I feel so damn weak. What in the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I get a grip?"

"You're not weak Steve, you're just going through a hard time that's all"  
"That's a bit of an understatement partner... Danny, every morning I look at that picture of my guys. I start every day remembering them and everything I do, I do in their honor and I pray that they would be proud of me..."

"Steve, I can promise you that each and every one of them was, and would be proud of you. God brother, what you've done with your life has been amazing. You're the bravest man I've ever met and hearing what I have about your missions, you were an amazing Commanding Officer. Steve, I know what kind of a partner you are and I trust you with my life and I always will"

"Danny...how can you trust me?"  
"I've NEVER in my life trusted anyone more than I trust you. I not only trust you with my life but I trust you you Gracie's life and you know what that means"

Steve sighed and said softly, "I froze Danny..."  
"Is that what this is all about Steve?"  
"I froze and I could have gotten you killed and you know that! How can you EVER trust me again?"

Danny stood and turned away from Steve...and when he turned back his reaction shocked the SEAL.  
"THAT'S ENOUGH STEVE! THIS IS BULLSHIT!"  
Steve's voice shook as he said, "You don't understand Danny"  
"THE HELL I DON'T!" Tears welled in Danny's eyes as he continued, "I know you have a heavy guilt-gene built into your DNA babe, but I love you and I'm not going to stand by quietly and watch you destroy yourself!"

After a few moments of silence Steve said, "If something were to happen to you or Gracie... I could never forgive myself Danny... I love you both so much"

Danny sat back on the bed, "Steve, there's something I've never told you...in fact, I've never talked to anybody about it. September 11th..."

As Danny hesitated Steve said softly, "You were there. I know that, you told me"  
"Well there's something I never told you..." Danny's voice shook as he continued, "I told you that my squad lost eight men in the collapse of the South Tower and they were all great men Steve ... but I wasn't there. I wasn't on site because I was across town with my partner executing a raid on a warehouse. It went bad and we were captured and beaten by a group of drug dealers... my partner..." Tears were now flowing down Danny's face and he drew in a deep breath, "My partner was killed Steve. Those fucking animals shot her in the chest while we were both tied up to chairs. She cried out my name...she cried out my name and I couldn't do a damn thing for her. She was dying and I couldn't help her...I couldn't even hold her. My partner, Grace Tilwell... was a great person and hell of a cop Steve. I loved her and I miss her every day"

Steve said quietly, "Your partner's name was Grace?"  
"Yeah. I couldn't think of any better way to honor her memory. At first it was hard...I would look at my little Gracie and I would think back only to the warehouse and Grace's death, but eventually I began to remember the good times and now they far out-way the bad memory"

Steve reached over and grabbed Danny's hand, "I'm so sorry buddy"  
Danny looked into his best friend's eyes, "I DO understand what you're going through Steve. I'm not minimizing anything you've suffered and I can't even imagine how you have dealt with all the losses you've endured but you need to know that you're not alone"

As Danny squeezed his hand, Steve said, "I've always been able to control my demons Danny. Why is this so different?"  
Danny replied, "I'm not a Doc buddy but I can tell you that at the beginning of this Cooper said something that really helped me understand why this was happening to you. He said that every man has his breaking point and that Michael's death was yours"

Steve sighed, "It sounds so simple doesn't it?"  
"Yet it's so fucking complex. Steve, you know in your heart that every mission you were a part of was a team mission. Each and every one of you knew the risks and accepted the risks. You asked me why you lived and your brother's died, but babe you are going to have to accept the fact that you will never be able to answer that question. I know we don't talk a lot about faith but I truly believe that things happen for a reason Steve. You served your Country with honor and distinction but you've paid a huge price for that. Then for the last year and a half you've led our task force and we've made a difference Steve. We've saved lives and we've changed lives for the better. We're doing great things and in the process we've become much more than a task force...we're Ohana"

"And that's why I don't know if I can keep doing this Danny...I can't lose any of you... I can't"  
Danny shook his head, "After Grace died, I went through a time when I felt I needed to leave the force and my sister wrote me a poem that helped me put everything into context..._'Grief has limits, whereas apprehension has non. For we grieve only for what we know has happened, but we fear all that possibly may happen' _Steve, our jobs are dangerous and because of those dangers we risk great personal loss but what we do matters. Right now though, the ONLY thing that matters is you. I'm here for you today and I will be there for you tomorrow and every day after that, no matter what happens"

Tears slid down Steve's cheeks as he said quietly, "Thank you brother"

**50505050505050505050505050505050505050505050**_**  
**_

The men didn't sleep the rest of the night. After brewing a pot of coffee they moved out onto the balcony and they talked until the sun rose. Danny had heard bits and pieces about all of these missions from Steve in the past but this time it was different. To Danny's great relief, Steve not only shared his memories of the missions and the deaths of his brothers, but he talked about the men...he talked, smiled and laughed as he remembered his beloved friends.

He talked about Jeff, who passed up the chance of playing professional baseball to serve his Country, and Bobby who was such a fan of professional wrestling that he couldn't sleep the night before a group arrived from the States to perform because he was so excited.

He talked about 'the kid', Jack who was so proud to be a SEAL yet only lived to complete one mission. He talked about Carlos who left behind a wife and five children all under the age of seven. Then there was Wes, who was engaged to be married and whose wedding was only a month away.

He talked about David, whose brother was also a SEAL and whose Father and Grandfather had both died in combat. There was Joel who grew up as a street kid in the Bronx and joined the military as a way out of his gang infested neighborhood. There was Jeremy who not only was an amazing physical specimen and was the only one who could beat Steve in a sprint, but he was also a self-professed 'computer geek'.

And he laughed at the memory of Andy, the team's clown. No matter how dire a situation they were in, Andy would lighten the mood. He was truly a gifted comic and once his service was over he had big plans and he would tell you those plans...over and over and over!

Hours had passed and with Danny's prodding Steve also opened up about Chris, Chad and Freddy. These three men had been with Steve through it all, from school, to BUDS training, to becoming SEAL's, and now Steve was the only one of them still alive. Chris, sweet Chris who would have given anybody the shirt off his back. Steve had been the best man at his wedding and he was the Godfather to young Christopher Steven Milliner. Steve sobbed as he remembered seeing Sara and the baby standing on the tarmac as he escorted the casket carrying their husband and father from the plane.

And there was Chad Reynolds... Steve and Chad had been friends since they were ten years old and his family had helped him so much after his Mother's death. They always treated him like one of their own and he loved them all dearly. Chad had been married to Christina and Steve was engaged to her sister Emily. Their lives all changed forever when Chad was killed and Steve had cradled his friend in his lap as he took his last breath. Christina had been pregnant with the couple's first child and Steve had taken time off to be with the ladies after the death but unfortunately a horrible tragedy soon became even worse. Christina could not cope with the loss of Chad and she committed suicide by cutting her wrists and eventually these loses would result with the ending of Steve and Emily's relationship as well.

But when Freddy Hart died in North Korea it nearly put Steve over the edge.  
"Danny, I need to bring Freddy home"  
"We will partner...we will"  
"Danny, if I hadn't met you when I did...God I don't know what I would have done. I was broken..."  
"It's like I said partner...things happen for a reason. My life changed for the better when I met you"  
Steve replied softly, "Mine did too brother"

******** More to follow – I'd love to hear your thoughts! ********


	21. Chapter 21

******** WARNING – this chapter contains depictions of violence ********

The men entered Cooper's office at nine o'clock sharp and as they sat the Doctor stated, "Good Morning, I hear you didn't sleep very well?"  
Steve chuckled, "I'm kind of getting used to it Doc. Actually though...my partner gave me a little bit of much needed 'tough love' last night"

Cooper smiled, "Oh yeah? Well before we start, have you eaten?"  
Steve nodded, "Yes, and may I say the eggs here are much better than the potatoes"  
"I agree" He then slid a small plastic cup holding a pill across the desk to Steve along with a bottle of water.  
Steve glanced at Danny as he placed the pill into his hand and without hesitating he popped it into his mouth an washed it down.

Doctor Cooper said, "Thank you Steve, I think that will help you...now tell me about last night"  
The session went well as Steve once again recanted the missions that had led to his tortured dreams. Danny sat quietly at his partners side offering the moral support he so needed.

He talked for hours and Danny could tell that not only was he mentally drained but he was also physically exhausted. The Doctor had sandwiches brought in for lunch and when they ended for the day, Danny too was drained.

This scene repeated itself the next day and then Steve agreed to the next step in the process, group therapy. Due to the sensitive nature of the sessions and for the confidentiality of the other patients involved, Danny was not allowed to attend. The session was scheduled to last for two hours so Chin and Kono picked Danny up and they went to a local coffee shop to wait.

Kono asked, "How's he doing Danny?"  
Danny's smile spoke volumes as he replied, "Better Kono...sorry I didn't call you guys yesterday but I think we're making progress...yeah, he's doing better"

Chin smiled broadly, "God, that's great news"  
Kono then asked, "Do you think the group therapy will help him?"  
"Yes sweetheart I do. Two nights ago the nightmares hit him hard again but this time...he really talked. He didn't only talk about his brothers deaths, but he talked about his brothers...about who they were and not just about what happened to them...he's remembering the good times too"

The relief in Kono's voice was apparent, "This is so good. Can we see him before we leave?"  
"You know he wouldn't let you leave without seeing him. He want's to go back to Anna and Angelo's for dinner tonight"  
Chin chuckled, "HE wants to go to Anna and Angelo's?"  
Danny laughed, "Alright, alright WE want to go! Those meatballs Chin! Oh my God, they remind me of my Mama's!"  
Kono grinned, "Meatballs it is then. Hey Danny, how are YOU doing?"  
"I'm better too Kono. It's hard to see him like this but I'm thankful that he's allowing me be there and that he's getting the help he needs"

Kono reached across the table and squeezed Danny's hand, "You're a big part of that help Danny, thank you"  
Danny then asked "How much has he told you guys about his mission into North Korea when he captured Anton Hess?"  
Kono replied, "I don't know anything..."  
Chin then said, "I know he lost a brother, but I don't know the details...he's never said much"  
Danny sighed, "His name was Freddy Hart and they had been partners and friends since BUDS training. Steve was chosen to go after Hess and he hand-picked Freddy to go in with him"

Kono said softly, "And Freddy was killed..."  
"Yeah...he was hit and he provided cover for Steve so he could escape with Hess. Steve wasn't going to leave, but Freddy insisted he get Hess out of there...to not let the mission fail and his death be for nothing. Steve watched on as he died in a hail of bullets..."

Chin then said, "He died to save Steve..."  
"Yeah and Michael's death put him over the edge and brought up all kinds of misplaced guilt, but he's talking now and I think as hard as it's going to be on him to be in the group therapy, it will be good for him to hear others talk about their losses as well"

Chin nodded, "To see he's not alone"  
Danny said shakily, "Yeah..."  
Kono said softly, "He knows he's not alone Danny"  
Danny replied, "He's not in his right mind Kono, but he's coming around. Hey, there's something I need you guys to do once you get back to Hawaii"

Chin sat forward, "Sure, what's that?"  
"One of the things that haunts Steve the most is the fact that he left Freddy in that hell-hole"  
Kono gasped, "Our Government left him there?"  
"It was a classified mission Kono"  
"So they abandoned him...my God"  
"The Government couldn't go in Kono. Steve and Freddy both knew that...they knew they were on their own"

Chin asked, "So what do you need us to do?"  
"Steve's going to do whatever he has to do to bring Freddy home. I need you to talk to Denning and see if he can help us. Chin, if the Government won't help him with this, he's going to go on his own and we can't let that happen"

"We'll see what we can do"  
"Keep this under the radar guys"  
"You don't want to tell Steve?"  
"Not now...he's got enough on his mind right now"  
Chin nodded, "Okay brother"  
Danny's eyes moved from Chin and then to Kono, "He told me how he was a broken man after Freddy and his Dad's deaths and that he doesn't know what would have happened to him if he hadn't met us when he did"

Kono wiped a tear from her cheek as she said softly, "We love him...we're Ohana"  
Danny smiled, "Yes we are sweetheart"

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Steve sat uncomfortablyin a folding chair as Doctor Henry Flack entered the room.  
Flack sat in the remaining empty chair, completing the circle of eight men.  
"Steve, welcome to our group"  
"Thank you"  
After introductions, Steve observed and listened as one by one the men spoke. He listened to Rob talk about his Humvee running over an IED and how he was thrown from the vehicle. He came to moments later with his ears ringing loudly and the smell of burning flesh surrounding him. Through the horrible ringing he could hear his buddy Liam screaming out in agony. Rob sobbed as he told the men how he crawled to Liam's side and held him as his body shook in intense pain. Both of Liam's legs had been blown off below the knees and he bled to death before help could arrive.

Steve watched as the men sitting next to Rob both reached out and touched and consoled him.  
He listened to Gary who told of being captured and tortured for two months and another ex-SEAL Eric who watched his brother be beheaded in a dingy tent in Afghanistan.

Steve was shaken to the core as the men continued their stories and suddenly he felt ill. He closed his eyes as a wave of dizziness and nausea swept over him. He was sweating and his stomach began to cramp horribly. As he bent over and placed his face into his hands, Doctor Flack asked, "Steve? Are you okay son?"

Steve lifted his head, "I'm not feeling very well. I think I should go lay down"  
"You just recently started taking the Paxil correct?"  
"Yeah...yesterday"  
"I'm sure that's all it is Steve. Can you get to your room okay?"  
"Yes, yes I'll be fine. I'm sorry"  
"It's fine Steve. Get some rest and we'll see you tomorrow alright?"  
Steve nodded and said as he stood, "Yes, I'll be here" Glancing at all the men he added, "It's nice to meet you all"

A short time later Steve was back in his room and curling up onto his bed he sobbed softly.

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Danny arrived back at the facility at a little before four o'clock entering with the guest pass provided to him by Doctor Cooper.

He entered the room to find Steve sleeping and his eyes fell onto the nightstand between the two beds….and the unfolded letters from Gracie and himself that Steve had obviously read again. Smiling softly he moved out onto the patio and phoned Chin.

"Hey Danny, is everything okay?"  
"Yes but our boy is sleeping like a baby"  
"Let him sleep, we can just pick something up to eat"  
"No, he wants to see you guys tonight. Let's just delay it a bit. How about seven?"  
"Okay, we'll pick you up then"  
"Great buddy, bye"

Danny then grabbed his laptop and moving back outside he fired it up while keeping the patio door open and an eye on his sleeping friend.

Steve slept quietly and Danny woke him a little before six.  
Steve ran a hand through his hair and yawned before saying sleepily, "I must of dozed off, what time is it?"  
"It's six….we delayed dinner. Kono & Chin will be here in an hour"  
"Okay, great...I need to shower"  
"You've got plenty of time. Navy showers only take three minutes right?"  
Steve chuckled, "Yes they do Danno"  
"I'll never understand that….three minutes? Who can get clean in three minutes?" As Steve smiled, Danny added "You slept good. How did the session go?"

"It was okay, but I left early"  
"Why's that?"  
"I wasn't feeling too good"  
"Oh yeah? What was wrong?"  
"I was dizzy and sweating. Felt like I needed to puke"  
"Did you?"  
"No. I laid down and fell asleep pretty quickly"  
"Do you feel better now?"  
"Yeah, the Doc thought it's just a reaction to the Paxil"  
"So you're up to dinner?"  
"Anna and Angelo's? You bet I'm up for that!"  
Danny grinned, "Have I told you yet today that I love you!"  
Steve laughed, "Several times you goof" Then tossing a pillow at Danny he added, "I'll be out in three minutes!"

As the bathroom door closed, Danny laid back on the bed smiling….Steve was going to be alright, he knew that now.

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As they sat enjoying their Italian meal the mood was light and for the first time in weeks, Steve seemed to be genuinely happy.  
It was after midnight when they pulled up to the Hotel to drop Chin and Kono off.  
As they exchanged hugs Danny asked, "You sure you don't want me to pick you up and take you to the airport tomorrow?"  
Chin shook his head, "No, the Hotel has a shuttle service. We'll be fine and this way you two will have a car"  
Steve then said, "I can't thank you two enough for being here for me and for clearing Mike's name…..I love you guys"  
Kono embraced him again and kissed his cheek, "We love you too boss. I know we've said it before but we're so happy you're getting the help you need"

Chin then added, "Take the time you need Steve. We'll handle everything on the home front so you don't worry about anything"  
"I know you guys are the best, I won't worry"  
Danny then chimed in, "You don't get too used to us not being around though, you hear me?"  
Chin grinned, "We're Ohana brah, and we always will be"

As the cousins walked into the Hotel and Danny drove them from the scene Steve said softly, "Those two are amazing….I'm so fortunate to have all of you in my life"  
Danny glanced at his best friend and said simply, "Boy, ain't that the truth!"  
Both men laughed heartily and it felt so good…..

******** More to follow - and as always, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts! ********


	22. Chapter 22

The men slept soundly through the night as the drugs along with mental exhaustion finally caught up with Steve.

He woke to the sun hitting his eyes through a crack in the drapes and rising out of his bed he noted it was almost eight o'clock. He dressed quietly and after leaving a note for Danny he left the room and headed downstairs to grab some breakfast.

When Danny woke, he was shocked to see that he had slept until ten-fifteen! His eyes scoured the empty room falling upon the note on the dresser.

_'Danno,_

_Good morning sleepy head!  
I just couldn't wake you, you looked so peaceful !  
I'm doing good partner. Take your time and grab some breakfast. You know where to find me._

_Steve'_

Danny smiled as he moved into the bathroom to shower and within the hour he had joined Steve in Doctor Cooper's office.

Steve looked up and smiled, "Hey buddy"  
"Good Morning Steven...Doc"  
Doctor Cooper stood and shook Danny's hand, "Thanks for joining us Danny. We've been talking about you this morning"  
Danny looked at his partner "Oh really?"  
Steve grinned, "Trust me brother, it's nothing you haven't heard before"  
Copper added, "Steve's been telling me about your task force and some of the cases you've dealt with"  
"Did he tell you that he's constantly getting me shot at Doc?"  
As Steve grinned slyly Cooper replied, "No, but he DID tell me you'd say that"  
They all chuckled and then Danny asked, "How are you feeling Steve?"  
"I'm good, just a little nauseated"  
Danny inquired, "How about the dizziness?"  
Steve rolled his eyes, "I said I'm good Doctor Danno"  
"That's not what I asked you Steven"  
"I'm a little dizzy…"  
Doctor Cooper jumped in asking, "Are you eating Steve?"  
"Yes"  
"Nausea and dizziness are common and hopefully those side effects will subside as your body adjusts to the Paxil"  
Looking at Cooper, Steve said "I already told Danny this Doc, he's just a mother hen that's all"  
Danny sighed loudly, "I'm concerned, that's all!"  
Steve sat forward in his chair, "I appreciate the concern Danny and I love you too. I promise you that I'll tell you everything okay?"  
Danny nodded, "Okay….that's all I wanted…...thank you"  
Cooper grinned at the partners as Steve replied, "You're welcome Daniel"

The session went very well as Cooper tried to delve deeper into the psche of 'Super SEAL' McGarrett.  
Cooper basically just let Steve talk and he asked very few questions. It was obvious that at this point Steve's issues weren't with the missions themselves or even the torture he had personally endured…..his issues were with his inability to accept that the deaths of his beloved brothers had been beyond his control. As their fellow brother and leader, he blamed himself deeply for each and every precious life lost and Cooper knew exactly what needed to be said.

"Steve, how do you think the group therapy went yesterday?"  
"What do you want me to say Doc? I listened to guys who are fucked up because they've watched their brothers die in their arms….. it's horrible"  
"Yes it is Steve, but the purpose of having you attend those sessions is for you to see that what you're going through is not unusual. You may have suffered more personal losses than most, but it's important to see that you're not alone"

"So it's a 'good thing' to see the suffering of others?"  
"That's not what I mean Steve and you know that. Any loss of life is horrible but you have to learn to forgive yourself. You are one of the most highly decorated SEAL's alive and with that comes unbelievable burdens. You are alive today because of your incredible skills and strong will, but honestly the main reason you are alive is because you've simply been lucky. Every one of those deaths could have been you…each and every one of them. You said something to me yesterday that is so true. You said that with everything you do, you hope that your guys would be proud of you right?"

Steve's voice cracked with emotion as he said simply, "Yes"  
"You've led hundreds of highly dangerous and classified missions as a SEAL and you've lost twelve men. Steve, while I am not minimizing any of the losses, that number is staggeringly small considering how risky each mission was. You are human beings with human frailties and you are expected to perform super-human feats…and 98% of the time you succeed. I know Danny tells you this all the time and I'm going to repeat it again…..you are alive for a reason Steve. What you do every day for those you love and how you so selflessly serve and protect your fellow man is admirable, and I can promise you that your lost brothers would be very proud of you"

Steve was now sitting forward with his face buried in his hands and after several moments of silence he said softly, "Doc, I need some time alone….. can we cut out for the day"  
Cooper nodded, "Absolutely. Do you want to attend the group session today?"  
Steve's response was quick as he replied, "No…..not today"  
"That's fine. I'll let Doctor Flack know. Will nine o'clock work for us again tomorrow?"  
"That'll be fine…..thank you"  
"There's no time schedule on this Steve. I'm here for you for as long as it takes"  
Standing, the men shook hands and after thanking Cooper again, Steve left the office followed closely by Danny.

Once in the hallway Danny moved quickly to catch up to Steve, "Hey, slow down Steve"  
Still moving, Steve called out, "I need some air Danno"

Moments later they were outside in the courtyard and Danny stood by as Steve sat on a bench. As he leaned forward he couldn't help but notice how badly Steve was shaking. Danny stepped in front of him and bending over he placed his hands of Steve's shoulders and said softly, "Hey relax babe, relax"

"Shit this hurts Danny..."  
"I know...God I'm so sorry"  
"I need to be alone brother"  
Danny nodded, "Okay...where are you going to go?"  
"Down to the water for a bit...I've got to clear my head"  
"Are you going to be alright?"  
Looking up at his dear friend Steve grinned, "I'll be okay...I promise"  
"I'll be in the room waiting"  
"I won't be long"  
Danny leaned down and after embracing Steve he turned and walked back into the facility willing to give his friend the space he needed.

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Over the next week Steve began to show great strides as his body adjusted to the medication and his mood swings stabilized. His nightmares were not only occurring less frequently but they were also less intense enabling him to sleep and feel more rested. Doctor Cooper was very happy with his progress and they had decided on one more week of sessions.

Both Steve and Danny were looking forward to returning to Hawaii and their work. Things were looking up…and then the call came in….

They were in session when Danny's phone rang and he excused himself to take the call from Chin.  
"Chin, hey what's up?"  
His blood ran cold as Chin replied emotionally, "Danny….…it's Kono. There's been an accident"  
Danny responded, "Chin, hold on. Let me get Steve"  
Moving back into the room he stated, "Excuse me Doc, this is an emergency…okay Chin, you're on speaker. What happened?"  
"Guy's Kono was in a car accident this morning"  
Steve asked, "Is she okay?"  
"She's in surgery now…" His voice shook as he added, "It's bad, really bad"  
Danny inquired, "Buddy, what do you know?"  
"She was broadsided by a car that ran a red light and witnesses say her car flipped three times before hitting the side of a building and coming to rest upside down. She had to be extracted from the car and she never regained consciousness. She has severe head trauma and internal bleeding and the Doctors are not very optimistic…..oh my God guys….."

As Chin's voice tailed off Steve said "Chin, stay positive buddy. We'll catch a flight back right away"  
Danny added, "We'll call you as soon as we get a flight booked, we love you brother"  
Through tears Chin replied, "Love you too, bye"

As the phone call ended, Cooper said "I'll contact Doctor Winston at Tripler and let him know how well you've progressed. Promise me that you'll keep in touch with me and call him in the next few days"  
"I promise Doc. Thank you for everything you've done for me"  
"Of course. I hope your friend is okay"  
After shaking hands, Steve and Danny raced through the hallway towards their room.

They were able to catch a flight to Honolulu which left three hours later and before boarding the plane they spoke with Chin again only to be told that Kono was still in surgery. Chin was going to arrange for Duke Lukella to pick them up at the airport and get them up to the hospital. As the plane took off both men sat quietly, deep in their own thoughts of their beloved friend who was fighting for her life.

******** I hope you're still enjoying, and as always I'd love to hear your thoughts ! CONGRATULATIONS to everyone involved with this great show on their renewal today for SEASON 5 ! ********


	23. Chapter 23

******* OK - here are the FINAL TWO CHAPTERS ! *******

**A special Thank You to LeilaniMolakai for this wonderful quote that fits our 5-0 Ohana:**  
**"True friendship will never waver; will stand above come whatever; in times of stress & pressure, true friendship is most precious treasure"**

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An hour into the flight, Steve walked towards the cockpit and after identifying himself to a stewardess he was allowed to use the planes satellite phone to contact Chin.  
"Chin…..any news?"  
"She's still in surgery but the Doctor came out to talk to us a bit ago. She's fighting Steve….they've been able to stop the bleeding on her brain but she has a lot intracranial swelling. They had to remove a portion of her skull and they've inserted a drainage tube. They're going to keep her in a medically induced coma until the swelling subsides"

Steve inquired, "What about her other injuries?"  
"Her liver was lacerated but they were able to repair it and they'll be giving her IV antibiotics to help ward off infections. She has several broken ribs, and her left shoulder and upper arm are broken as well. Her lungs are bruised too…..it's going to be touch and go for a while brah"

"Are her parents there?"  
"Yes, and her brothers"  
"I'll check back with you in a couple of hours"  
"Okay. I'll email you if there are any updates"  
"Okay brother, you hang in there and we'll see you soon"

There were no changes in her condition while the men were in the air and when they arrived at King's Medical Center they found Chin along with numerous family members in the waiting room.

After greeting everyone, Steve and Danny moved off to the side of the room with Chin.  
Chin looked at Steve, "Thanks for coming so quickly, how are you doing?"  
"Don't worry about me buddy, I'm fine. I can't believe this has happened"  
Chin was obviously shaken as he spoke softly, "Her car was absolutely crushed…..it's a miracle she survived"  
Steve asked, "What about the other car?"  
Chin sighed, "Two men in their early twenties. They were both killed instantly. Their friends say they had been out drinking all night. They'll run toxicology tests, but everything points to them having been impaired"

Danny shook his head and muttered, "Damn it, what a waste"  
Steve reached out and squeezed Chin's forearm, "She's very strong Chin, she'll get through this"  
"God, I hope so"

They all moved back to Kono's and Chin's family members and they visited as they waited to hear more news.  
About an hour later the Doctor arrived to fill them in. She was able to breathe on her own but they had her hooked up to a respirator just as an aid. They would keep her on that until the swelling on her brain went down and then they would remove the drainage tube and allow her to wake. He let them know that she would remain in ICU for several days and would be limited to visits from her immediate family only. Answering the tough questions as compassionately as possible the Doctor told them that at this point her chance for survival was only 25%.

After Kono's parents were led off to the ICU, the other's visited for a while before heading out with the understanding that Kono's three brothers would keep Chin and his Mother updated on her condition. At the insistence of Chin's Mother, the three detectives headed over to her home so she could fix them something to eat. As she prepared Shoyu Chicken and a papaya salad the three men sat in the living room and caught up on everything that had transpired.

Steve updated Chin on all of his sessions prompting the man to ask, "So how are you now?"  
"I think Danny can attest to the fact that my emotions have been a little more in check the last few days"  
Chin asked, "Is that because of the meds?"  
Before Steve could reply, Danny chimed in "Yes, that has a lot to do with it, and you know it does Steve"  
The SEAL sighed, "I just hate taking drugs"  
Danny spoke softly, "Listen, you're not going to have to be on them forever but they're not only helping you during the day, they're helping you sleep. So at least for now, please agree to stay on them"

"I agree….for now"  
"That's all I ask" Danny then turned to Chin asking, "Did you get a chance to talk to Governor Denning?"  
A look of confusion crossed Steve's face as he asked, "Denning? What are you talking about?"  
Chin then spoke, "Yes I did. Steve, Danny had me talk to Denning about your final mission into North Korea. I solicited his help in contacting the Government to see if they can work through diplomatic channels to get Freddy's remains returned to the U.S."

Steve ran a hand across his mouth, "What did he say?"  
"He agreed to look into it but he said it would take time"  
Steve smiled, "Everything takes time with the Government. Wow, guys…..I don't know what to say…thank you"  
Danny grinned, "He needs to come home Steve, and we'll all see that that happens"

They all had a wonderful meal and then Chin drove the men to Steve's home. Kono's brother, Daiki had checked in with them and let them know that she was resting comfortably. It was late and the men were all exhausted. Chin decided to spend the night as well, sleeping in the guest room as Danny took up his favored spot on the couch. As darkness engulfed Hawaii, the men all went to bed with their thoughts on Kono.

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The next morning Steve touched base with Doctor Winston at Tripler and after making an appointment to see him that afternoon he then drove to see Governor Denning while Danny went to visit Gracie and Chin headed up to the hospital.

They met up with each other a couple of hours later at Headquarters.  
Steve looked at his partner who was smiling gleefully, "I take it that Gracie's doing good?"  
"She is and it was wonderful to see her. We all have a date at your place tonight to grill burgers and swim"  
Steve smiled, "That sounds great"  
Danny then asked Chin, "Any changes?"  
"She's running a bit of a fever so they're giving her a stronger antibiotic but overall there's no change, she's holding her own"  
Steve grinned, "That's my girl" He then looked at Danny, "Did you tell Gracie about Kono?"  
"No. Rachel and I discussed it and for now we think it's best that we don't say anything, it'll worry her too much"  
Chin shook his head, "That's the right call Danny"  
Danny then asked Steve, "How did it go with Denning?"

"Really good. Once I meet with Doc Winston and get clearance from him, I'm back! And, he says he's making progress in getting Freddy returned…...so now we just need to get Kono back"

Danny smiled, "Amen brother, amen"

Steve's appointment went well and after agreeing to stay on the medication regimen until further notice and to meet with him weekly, Doctor Winston signed off that he was mentally fit to return to work. The three men had a low-key and enjoyable evening with Gracie, as while Danny manned the grill, the little girl frolicked in the warm Ocean water with her beloved Uncles.

The next morning as they dropped her off at Rachel's before heading into the office, Gracie reminded them of their previous discussion to go to the zoo, so plans were made to spend their next Saturday together with the monkeys and the bears, much to the child's delight!

******** One more chapter to go... I hope you're still enjoying ! ********


	24. Chapter 24

******* Here is the last chapter - as always, THANK YOU for the kind reviews and encouragement ! Each and every review provides great motivation to continue to write ! *******

Four days after her accident, Kono was moved into a private room and the men were finally able to visit her.  
The swelling on her brain had begun to subside and the Doctors had increased her chance of survival to 70%, enabling all of them to breath a lot easier.

It was very hard on all of them to see her motionless and still on the respirator. Her face, neck and every part of her body that was visible to them was horribly bruised and due to that, the fact that she was still medically induced was comforting, because if conscious, she would clearly be in severe pain.

As Steve moved to the bedside he couldn't take his eyes off her head wound which was covered with clear bandages. The left side of her head had been shaved and the tube protruding from it continued to drain a greyish fluid into a bag hanging from the side of the bed. He leaned over and tenderly kissed her cheek and while gently stroking her face he talked to her softly, "Hey sweetheart, you're doing so great and I'm so proud of you. We're all here and we love you. You keep fighting Kono and you're going to be alright"

Danny was across the bed from Steve and he was gently rubbing her forearm as he said, "It's Danno honey, like the boss man says, we're all here for you and we love you very much"

Over the next four days the men would visit daily, giving her parents and brothers the opportunity to get away and take a break. It was very hard to watch her in this unconscious state but the Doctor continued to reassure them that the swelling was subsiding and she was exhibiting no new signs of infection or distress.

It was ten days after the accident that the Doctors removed the drainage tube from her head and they stopped the medication that was keeping her under. The Doctor felt she should wake within twelve hours, but after forty she remained unconscious.

They all took turns talking to her, trying to pull her back…..  
At one point her Mother became distraught and as the others took her to the lounge to re-group Steve sat the bedside holding her hand, gently stroking it with his thumb. He spoke softly unaware that Danny had re-entered the room behind him and that he was leaning up against the wall just inside the doorway.

"Kono…..sweetheart I need you to wake up now. I know you hurt and it's hard, but it's time" Danny listened on as Steve continued, his voice cracking with raw emotion "I understand now Kono… everything I've gone through, every loss I've suffered...… I now understand and it's because of you. My buddies were heroes and each and every one of them died doing what they were meant to do. They died in defense of this great Country and I took those risks as well. Doctor Cooper told me that I was alive because I'm lucky, and he's right. I'm lucky to have served with my brothers and I'm lucky to have you and our team in my life. My guys died serving honorably and I owe it to them to continue serving my Country, my friends and my family. I love them and I miss them, but life is for the living and I can never forget that. You have made that so clear to me… God sweetheart, I can't bear to lose you. Please, please fight….come back to me Kono….come back to your Ohana, we love you and we need you...I need you"

He gasped slightly as he felt her fingers squeeze his, "Kono? Kono that's it honey, open your eyes now"  
Danny moved towards the bed asking, "Is she waking up Steve?"  
Without turning he replied, "Danny, get the Doctor"  
As Danny left the room, Steve stood and while still holding her hand he placed his other hand gently onto her forehead. "Kono, it's Steve…open your eyes for me honey…come on Kono"

Her eyes fluttered and Steve smiled down at her as they slowly opened. Her lips moved but no words came as rubbed her cheek softly, "Hi, welcome back"  
Her voice was barely audible as she said, "Steevve…yurr hhome"  
"Yeah baby, I'm home"  
"Hhhappened?"  
"You were in a car accident, do you remember anything?"  
"Nnno….head hhurts"  
"You took a good hit to the head but you're going to be okay now, I promise"

At that moment, the Doctor entered with a Nurse and Steve stepped back.  
"Hello Kono, it's good to have you back with us. Danny went to get to get your parents, can you tell me how you feel?"  
"My hhead hurts"  
Steve was standing so Kono could see him as the Doctor talked to her about her injuries. He could see the fear in her eyes and he placed a hand onto her knee, squeezing it reassuringly through the blankets. As her parents entered the room the Doctor said, "Steve, Danny, can you step outside for a few minutes"

Kono lifted her hand and said defiantly, "Nno sstay"  
The Doctor nodded, "Okay, okay they can stay"  
As he examined her they were all greatly encouraged as her replies, while brief, were coherent.  
A short time later Steve and her Mother stayed at her side while the others moved out into the hallway to receive a more thorough assessment from the Doctor.

Once Chin, and her Father and brothers had returned to the room, Steve bent over and kissed her forehead as she now slept and then he and Danny left, giving her family time alone with her.

As they walked from the Hospital Danny told him that the Doctor was very pleased with her initial reactions and that he would take her in later that day for a CT scan and MRI. The swelling continued to go down and his hopes were that he could perform the cranioplasty, closing the opening within days.

As they reached the car Danny placed a hand on Steve's forearm, "Hey, I heard what you told her"  
Steve nodded, "That's okay…..I meant every word Danny"  
Danny smiled, "Good…..that's good"  
Smiling broadly, Steve said "She's going to be okay Danny" prompting Danny to reply, "We're all going to be okay partner"

Steve chuckled, "Yeah….yeah we are"  
The men joyfully embraced and then they drove back to headquarters.

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As promised, Steve continued to meet with Doctor Winston and at Danny's insistence he also agreed to remain on the meds for a while longer. He did have moments when he would feel distressed but he would talk to Danny or Chin and his thoughts would clear. As much as he hated to admit it, the medication was helping him but in his mind, he KNEW that he would not be taking it much longer…..

Governor Denning continued to work with his Government connections and he continued to express hope that they would, eventually, be able to arrange for Freddy's remains to be brought home.

Kono continued to improve every day and as the Doctor predicted he was able to close up the head wound three days after she woke. All the test results came back showing no signs of any permanent damage and she would be able to return to light duty after six weeks and to full-time at about ten weeks. As frustrating as that news was to her, the men were relieved as this time off would also allow her internal injuries and broken bones to heal sufficiently.

She moved into her parent's home so they could tend to her during her recover and the men visited her daily.  
A few days after her release from the Hospital she has sitting on the patio with a blanket covering her as Steve sat next to her.  
"Steve, how are you doing?"  
He smiled, "I'm doing good Kono, I really am"  
"When I came to and I saw you there, I knew I would be okay…you made me feel safe"  
"I'm so happy that you're going to be okay. I love you, you know that right?"  
"Yes, and I love you too. Danny told me what you said to me that day in the hospital…that life is for the living. Please don't ever forget that Steve and know that everything you do does honor your lost brothers. You're not the only one who's lucky...…we're all lucky to have you"

Steve reached out and took her hand squeezing it lovingly, "We're all lucky to have each other Kono"

*************** THE END ****************

******* SO? I sure hope you like where I went with this. PTSD is so horrible and everyone afflicted with it deserves our full support. I hope you will all take a moment and give me your final thoughts and as always THANK YOU for reading !**

**I also wanted to '**_**suggest' **_**that those of you who have voiced your displeasure with the TV show and the direction it has taken might want to check out the upcoming episode (#19) which should air on 4-4 or 4-11 (I'm unsure if the show will be pre-empted 1 or 2 weeks by the NCAA Basketball Tournament, but episode 17 airs tonight) - Anyway, the word is that this will be a HUGE Steve/Danny bromance episode with them being trapped under the rubble in a parking garage after an explosion with (I believe Danny) being injured. I too really enjoy the bromance/friendship of these two and Alex and Scott play the roles so well ! I am really looking forward to this one ! The show has also been slowly delving into PTSD with Steve over the last couple of episodes and according to postings, they will be addressing it slowly, even going into Season 5. As a lover of the show, I hope you won't give up on it and will give it another shot ! HAPPY READING AND WATCHING ! *******


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